


A Person Is Not Easily Mended (But It's Still Worth A Try)

by StandinShadow



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: (Because Keith is a toddler), (and everyone is letting their feelings shape their judgment or), Abandonment, Because They End Up Being Keith's Babysitters, Bittersweet Ending, Body Horror, De-Aged Keith (Voltron), Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Keith Facing His Own Self-Destructive Tedencies and Fears, Korean Keith (Voltron), Miscommunication, Only in the first chapter, Take That Team as Family Tag Very Literally, Team as Family, Unreliable Narrator, dads of marmora
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-01-18 04:13:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 35,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12380667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StandinShadow/pseuds/StandinShadow
Summary: Keith has always put his emotional and personal needs and relationships second to his cause and to his fears, even when it means leaving the people he loves the most. Protecting people is more important than his well-being and besides, Keith doesn't have anyone who's going to miss him. He's always taken care of himself and he always will. That's just how it is.Then, during a simple intel mission with the Blade, Keith gets pricked by a strange flower and his life changes drastically. After all, it's hard to take care of yourself when you can't see over countertops and everything makes you cry.





	1. To Grow Up Is To Accept Vulnerability

  Keith leaps through the air flipping backwards as he stabs one of the drones in the chest. It blows up, pieces falling to the ground as Keith leaps to the side. It was meant to be a simple intel gathering mission, but nothing has been that simple in recent weeks. Not since Keith left Voltron. Kolivan glances back at him, giving him a quick nod before he starts to run toward their ship. They need to get out of here before this part of the supply line goes down. Keith glances back and watches as a shield goes up, blocking Zela, the third member on their mission, from reaching them.

  Zela’s wounded slightly, some blood dripping down her leg. She’s too injured to move as quickly as the two of them. If they don’t go back for her, she’ll die. Keith knows that; the explosions are rigged to go off one by one, and she was right in the middle of them. Keith freezes, biting his lip as he looked over at the spaces between the lasers. Keith thinks he can get through the gaps if he moves quickly, and Zela’s just light enough Keith can carry her to safety.

  “Kolivan! Zela is still out there,” Keith shouts as he looks over at his leader, taking down his mask as he glances at him with a tight gaze. Kolivan stares back at him, mask blocking any expression from coming through. Keith doesn’t need to see his face to know he doesn’t approve though. Kolivan shakes his head, turning on his heel as he leaps forward.

  “She knows we have 60 ticks left, as do you,” Kolivan calls, voice stern. Keith can hear the underlying warning, that if he goes back for Zela, Kolivan will not wait for him. Keith knows that. Kolivan wasn’t even prepared to do that when Keith was still a paladin and Voltron depended on his being alive, let alone now that he’s one of many in the Blade of Marmora. But Zela has friends in the Blade. She has a five-year-old daughter (one Keith’s never seen; he’s not allowed in the communal side of the Marmora base).

  “We have the time,” Keith shouts as he dives through one of the gaps in the lasers, sliding his blade through the center of a drone before turning one heel to slide underneath another laser.

  “This is not Voltron,” Kolivan’s voice rings out, cold and tired as he continues his run to toward the ship. Keith ignores him, diving underneath the grasp of another drone, turning on his heel to drive his boot into its chest. The drone goes down and Keith lets out a sigh of relief. He wonders idly if Voltron is nearby, maybe on a different part of the planet fighting other drones. He hopes someone remembers to stay in front of Hunk and Pidge – but no, Keith doesn’t have the right to think about them anymore. He left.

  Keith slides across the ground, underneath the lasers and down toward where Zela is trying to drag herself through the small space outside of the lasers and shields. Keith dives toward her, wincing as his leg catches on something. He glances down and sees an orange and purple blossom, beautiful on the surface but with thick spikes coming out of the center, one of which was currently deeply lodged into Keith’s thigh. Blood is dripping down his calves, but Keith doesn’t have time to worry about it.

 Keith rips the spike out of his leg, leaping forward and sliding past one more laser to reach Zela’s side. Keith grabs her by the waist, tossing her over his shoulder and running at breakneck speed toward the ship. Keith can see the door starting to close, hear Zela’s grunt to drop him because she’s deadweight, feel the throbbing in his leg from the spike. None of it matters, not when Keith manages to slide through that door with seconds to spare, dropping Zela to the ground with a gentle thud.

  “I got her,” Keith murmurs as he lowers his mask, giving Kolivan a crooked smile. Kolivan’s mask lowers to reveal him making the same blank expression, gaze so cold that Keith actually shivers a little, fingers brushing against his thumb gently. He kind of forgot who he was talking to when he smiled. He won’t make that mistake again (he probably will).

  “And almost caused me to lose two Blades instead of one,” Kolivan tells him harshly, gaze growing sterner as he moves swiftly across the ship. Keith glances at Zela, but she makes no move to speak or even take her mask down. Keith won’t get support there. The Blade has a code and it’s one they all follow without question. But Keith has never been good at not asking too many.

  “But I didn’t,” Keith points out as he crosses his arms, sliding into a seat next to Kolivan. He’s not piloting today, they’ve been … nervous since what happened with Haggar. Apparently following the code of the Blade’s only acceptable when Kolivan tells him to do it. Keith gives the other man a tight look, fingers digging into the thick black cloth of his blade uniform. He has no idea how that thin spike managed to break through to his skin, blood still sliding down the inside of his thigh in rivulets. “Kolivan, I saved her and got back without losing any information. All I got is a scratch on my leg, why are you mad?”

  “This time you made it back, which was as much luck as it was skill,” Kolivan says coldly, giving Keith an appraising look, fingers steeping together as he leans forward so that he looms over Keith. Keith shrugs slightly, holding his gaze with a hard glare of his own, because he is a member of this team and he’ll follow Kolivan, but not without question. He’s not Shiro. “I know from your actions at the that you are willing to sacrifice your own life for the greater good and the cause. Or was it _only_ for Voltron?”

  “Of course not!” Keith snaps as his face heats up a bit, the issue suddenly becoming clear as his gaze drops to the cold grey metal of the floor of the ship. Kolivan believes that Keith only sacrificed himself for his old team, not for the cause. But that isn’t true. It was Pidge’s teasing grin, Allura’s gentle warnings, Lance’s bright laugh, Hunk’s warm smiles, Shiro’s hand on his shoulder, that Keith saw and felt when he slammed his plane toward the barriers, their weight he felt on his back. But it was also the weight of every refugee he’s met, every Arusian and Balmeran and Olkarian. Keith’s life is worth less than all of theirs. No one knows that better than him. “But it’s _my_ life to sacrifice.”

  “Zela knew what she was doing when she chose to serve in the Blade,” Kolivan answers him tightly, brushing one gloved hand against his temple like Keith’s giving him a headache. It reminds Keith of his last foster father, and he stiffens in his chair a little unconsciously. “There were other options for her just as there were for you.”

  Keith bites his lip again, closing his eyes and trying to regain a sense of calm and self. His leg is still throbbing, though it’s slowed down a bit from when he first got pricked outside. Keith swallows a little as he opens his eyes, staring up at Kolivan as his eyebrows slope down, gaze growing softer against his will. “But why does it matter if I was able to go back and get her?”

  “Enough, paladin!” Kolivan shouts throwing one hand out and Keith flinches back into his seat. Kolivan drops his hand and glances away, toward the vast emptiness of space. They’re both thinking the same thing: Keith isn’t a paladin anymore, but they wish he was. “I am told you are an adult, but you act and look more like a Galra child. Think about the mission of the Blade, not the coalition or Voltron.”

  Keith blinks owlishly as he watches Kolivan walk out across the plank as their ship lands in the hangar, tall and rigid in ways Keith admires but cannot be. Keith takes a deep breath, waits for Zela to pass him too, before he whispers to himself. “… Do I like look a Galra child?”

  Keith feels like a child with the Blade, in a way he never has with Voltron. His youth, his inexperience as a soldier and just as a person has become glaringly obvious. If Keith felt like a failure with Voltron, it’s only doubled with the Blade. But at least he’s not stealing anyone’s place here, not taking Shiro or Lance’s spot or wedging himself into a family where he doesn’t fit. He may not fit perfectly with the Blade, but that doesn’t matter. He’s still useful to the cause, can still live and die for it. And that’s all that matters. That’s all Keith can let matter.

* * *

  Several hours later Keith lies in his cot, wondering if today’s actually the day he’ll die for the war effort after all. Keith has no idea what’s happening to him, except that he woke up in the middle of the night feeling his every cell was slowly igniting. He tried to sleep it off, assuming it was just sore muscles and the stress weighing down on him, a new twist on the panic attacks. But then he woke up in pain again and again, a little worse each time. Now they’re in a full burn, Keith’s body going rigid and then slumping into what feels like a liquefied jelly a few seconds later. He can _feel_ his bones.  

  Keith doesn’t even know if that’s possible, but he can feel them constricting, shoving out for a second and then pulling in and dragging his skin along with them. Keith swears it’s trying to tear off of his body. Keith kicks up his legs, muscles seizing up again as he lets out a wordless cry, or he tries to, no sound coming out as his throat seizes up too. Keith has no idea how he’s still breathing. Maybe he’s not, maybe he’s dying right now. 

  “Help, help,” Keith cries when his muscles weaken a little, though he knows he’s not loud enough for anyone to hear him. His voice is strange to his own ears, cracking on the first help and rising on the first octave, only to drop back to normal on the second. Keith tries to weakly reach a hand to his throat, but it mostly just flops helplessly in the air.

  Keith wonders if he can crawl to the med bay now that the pain has started to drop off. He moves one leg experimentally. It feels heavy and almost foreign, movements all off as he stumbles back as he tries to sit up on the bed. Given that his main asset as a Blade is his ability to move fast, this isn’t ideal.

  Keith swings his legs up, managing to get them above the ground for a second, only for them to come crashing down on the bed as another wave of convulsions hit him. This time Keith does scream, voice high and broken, going up and down the octave scales like piano keys. Keith thinks his organs might be dissolving underneath his shriveling bones. Even his face feels wrong, too, loose and like his teeth are falling out of his mouth one by one. Keith somehow has the wherewithal to spit them out onto the floor one by one, wincing when he feels something pierce through his gums one by one. New teeth. Maybe he’s becoming more Galra?

  “Takashi!” Keith shouts as another wave hits him, the desire for Shiro’s calming presence and warm gaze suddenly hitting him so hard that it hurts. Not as much as the burn spreading across the rest of him, but enough. Keith remembers Shiro’s soft proud smile at the Garrison, the way he used to lead Keith around campus like a duckling, one firm hand on his shoulder as he shows him off to Matt Holt. His mentee, his friend, the best pilot at the Garrison. The kid with the brightest future. Keith chokes a little on the irony (or maybe that’s a tooth he missed).

  “What’s wrong with my voice?” Keith murmurs once he regains his bearings a little, listening carefully this time. The cracking is gone, but his voice has gone up at least three octaves and every word sounds clumsy on his tongue, as though his lips don’t quite know how to shape themselves. “I sound like I’m sucking on helium.”

  Keith lets out another scream as the pain starts again, though it’s weaker this time. He’s adjusting to the burn now, mind going numb as everything pulls in and shrinks again. Keith is slowly dissolving, and while he doesn’t understand what’s happening, he supposes it’s not the worst way to die. At least he knows it’s happening. His bones feel like they’re floating now, organs and blood more jelly than anything solid. It’s almost relaxing, really.

  Keith’s mind drifts to his team – his _real_ team. Coran’s long stories and bright laughs that rang out across the dining room. Allura’s little cat smile when she’s trying not to be awkward and the stern, knowing gaze she used to give him when Keith wasn’t sure what the right choice was. Hunk’s kind eyes and warm grin, the way he treated Keith like a friend before he even knew him and even _after_ he did. The way Pidge’s eyes light up whenever she sees a robot she likes and the way she saw through him sometimes. Lance’s teasing that got softer and softer over time, the gentle grip of his hand on Keith’s shoulder in those moments where Keith didn’t deserve it. And Shiro with his protective gaze and unwavering belief – until Keith made it waver.

  Keith doesn’t deserve them and he couldn’t keep them. He knows he made the right choice leaving. He’s heard the stories about their coalition events, seen how the team flies without him. They’re better without Keith holding them back, without him poisoning things. Keith knows and he’s the one who left so they could, but it still hurts that it worked. Keith wanted … he wanted them to need him, to stop him. But that’s selfish and stupid and Keith is going to die here alone.

  “I really do miss you guys,” Keith mutters in the same, high voice from before, fingers clenching into his sheets tightly. He closes his eyes and lets the pain carry him away, not understanding but accepting death like an old friend. He always thought he’d die in this war, for his friends, for the greater good. But this is okay.

* * *

  Except Keith doesn’t die, waking up a few hours sore but alive. Unless this is the afterlife, but somehow, he doesn’t think it looks like his barrack at the Blade. Keith takes a deep breath as he woozily sits up, limbs still feeling a bit off. It’s not the same heaviness as yesterday, but the grace he’s lived with since he was 12 gone. Keith bites his lips, tears building at the back of his eyes because he can’t save people if he’s not fast anymore. He can’t pilot a Lion if – he can’t pilot a lion at all.

  Keith manages to roll himself into a sitting position, sitting up on his knees and then becoming confused as he’s barely higher up. He always feels a bit like _Alice in Wonderland_ when she shrinks in his Blade quarters, but not usually this much. He feels like he’s barely higher on the bed. Keith glances down at his arm and frowns tightly, eyes widening a little as he sees his arm in the dull light of his room. It’s short, much shorter than it normally is, and Keith’s hard-earned muscle tone has vanished. Instead he sees an arm that looks soft and a little chubby, almost like it belonged on a … well, not on Keith, is the point.

  “Okay, something is wrong because I’m not this soft –” Keith starts and then stops, frowning as the timbre of his own voice reaches his ears. His voice is even higher than yesterday, childish and soft, some of his words coming out unclear, save that Keith knows what he’s trying to say. And it’s harder to find them, as though his mind is in some kind of haze. “And I still sound wrong. I sound ...my voice is … I sound like a baby.”

  Keith frowns and crosses his arms tightly, because he’s not a baby. The thought comes and goes in an instant, Keith blinking owlishly because what was that? That’s not – he’s wrong. Something is wrong with him. Keith bites his lips and glances down at his soft, pudgy hands, lifting one up to touch his cheek. It’s just as round and as the rest of him feels, soft and with none of the sharp angles Keith’s grown accustomed to.

  Keith pulls his hands down slowly, crawling to the edge of his bed and sliding around so his feet will hit the ground. They don’t. Keith blinks a little and then finally sighs and slowly crawls down the sheets, trying to ignore the way his T-shirt brushes against his knees now. He – he’s not going to worry about that until he can find a mirror. Keith needs to focus.

  Keith reaches the floor and takes a few steady steps forward, legs still feeling shaky and like his balance is off. Everything about him feels strange. He holds his arms out on his sides to gain balance thoughtlessly and then stiffens because that is something … no. Keith takes a few steps forward toward the mirror in the corner of his room, terrified at what he’s going to see. Maybe he’s an Arusian? That wouldn’t be bad. They’re really cute and strong! Keith takes another step toward the mirror when his door swings open, revealing Zela behind the door.

  “What on earth is going on here? Why are you here in Keith’s barrack?” Zela asks, her eyes widening and furry ears twitching softly. She looks like a cat and Keith wants to hug her. He shakes that thought off too, because he’s pretty sure Zela would stab him if he tried. Keith takes another step toward the mirror even as he looks at her with a narrowed gaze, lips puckering. It’s bad if she doesn’t recognize him.  “You – you’re a human child, are you not?”

  “I – I don’t know,” Keith answers softly as he glances down at his soft arms and small, pudgy body and the T-shirt that now goes down to his knees. It makes sense and makes no sense at the same time. What comes out of his mouth isn’t quite that. “No, I’m not a baby.”

  “You’re far too small and round to be an adult,” Zela says with a shrug as her gaze sharpens, leaning down to push Keith toward the mirror. Keith stares at his reflection with slow growing horror. The round, baby ish face and big eyes surrounded by slightly longer black hair. The tiny limbs still carrying the remnants of baby fat around them, every part of him small and soft and _vulnerable_. Keith trembles with the weight of having his suspicions confirmed. “How long has Keith been hiding you? Are you his child?”

  “I’m Keith!” Keith shouts a little louder than he intended, pouting as he stares up at Zela – and she’s so much further up now – with wide eyes.

  Zela stares back at him, blinking owlishly. Her tail slides back and forth behind her as she kneels down to look him in the eye. Or close to it, she’s really, really tall. Keith bites his hip lip as he takes a step closer, glancing shyly at her tail. He kind of wants to play with it, but Zela would probably be mad. “What?”

  “Look at me!” Keith snaps as he throws his arms out, because even though he’s small now (not that he’s ever been tall), he still has the same big, oddly colored eyes and black hair and aura of loneliness. Zela seems to catch on, her own yellow eyes widening a little as she brushes a hand down her cheek.

  “You do bear a striking resemblance to our most recent member,” Zela admits with a low sigh, shaking her head as she suddenly reaches for his hand. Keith stares at her hands blankly for a second before cautiously taking one, taking a few steps forward and wondering if he should put on his blade clothes first. Wait did they even change sizes like their armor did? “Here, let me take you to Kolivan, he will figure out what to do with you.”

  “No, Kolivan’s mad at me!” Keith cries as he pulls his hands back, crossing his arms again as he glares over at her, or trying to through the tears slowly sliding down his cheeks. Her face softens, taking one of his hands in her own as she gives him a gentle smile. Keith lets himself be pulled closer to her as she slowly rises from the floor without ever loosening her grip on his hand. Keith blinks owlishly, because just because he looks like a little kid doesn’t mean Zela needs to treat him like one. He’s 18!

  “Kolivan is always mad at you,” Zela snorts, letting out a small laugh as Keith stares up at her. His eyes widen a little and his chin starts to tremble, and Keith can feel the intensity of his tears growing stronger with each passing second. He wants Kolivan to like him. Keith tries to push his feelings down, knows he’s being silly – but he can’t. “Oh, don’t – you’ll be alright, here. We will figure out why you have been thus transformed.”

  Zela takes his hand more firmly as she leads him down the hallway toward Kolivan’s bedroom. It’s early enough in the day that he hasn’t gotten them all up for training or missions yet. Keith wonders if Kolivan will even let him train like this. He still has his knife, but his walking isn’t very good. Keith was bad at it until he was almost four back on earth, so he’s … younger than that now.

  “Zela, what is the meaning of coming into my quarters this early in the day?” Kolivan asks harshly as he looks up from the files he’s reading, gaze tight but with a spark of curiosity. Keith glances at him with one from her around her leg, frowning softly as he catches “There is a child hiding behind your legs. The young are to stay on the other side of the base.”

  “The child is Keith,” Zela explains, voice firm as she meets Kolivan’s eyes with a steely gaze that makes Keith move back behind her legs. She shuffles to the left so Kolivan can see him more fully and Keith winces a little, biting his lip as he glances up at the older man. He seems scarier like this, so tall and big and with that angry scowl on his face.

  “Of course it is,” Kolivan mutters after a beat, pressing his hand against his face and letting out a low exhale. Kolivan takes a step toward him, bending down at the knee to look Keith in the eyes. Keith squirms under his gaze, eyes dropping to the floor as he digs his toes into the cold metal, almost toppling over as he loses his balance. Kolivan steadies him with two fingers and Keith finally looks back up at him, gaze frightened. “What have you done?”

  “I didn’t do anything!” Keith yells as he balls his hands into fists, stomping one foot before he can stop himself. His face feels like it’s turning red as his eyes start to water again. He remembers, abruptly, that he cried a lot as a kid. He expects a lecture, but Kolivan simply sighs and steps around him, gesturing to Zela and whispering something Keith quite can’t hear. He hates secrets.

  “This sudden change in age and size was likely caused by your mission to Olkarian,” Kolivan notes as he glances down at Keith, kneeling down so he and Keith are eye to eye. His expression is carefully blank, but there’s a surprising softness in his gaze that makes Keith lean toward him. People don’t look at him like that, and especially not Kolivan. Kolivan presses his hand against Keith’s shoulder, covering it entirely with his huge hand. “I know you went to the southern fields to rescue Zela. Did anything strange happen to you there.”

  “No?” Keith says in a small voice, thinking back to when he ran through the field to grab Zela. Suddenly he glances down at his leg and bites his lips, voice growing a little shaky as he remembers the throbbing pain from yesterday. “I scratched my leg.”

  Kolivan sighs and grips Keith’s shoulder a little more tightly, mild annoyance coming over his face. Keith shrugs and cocks his head, not sure what Kolivan wants him to say. He did scratch his leg, it really hurt. But nothing else happened. Kolivan was there; he should know that just as well as Keith does. Kolivan gestures at Keith to keep going with his other hand and Keith glances down at his feet because he hates not knowing what’s going on. And now nothing makes sense. “On what, Keith?”

  “A plant,” Keith tells him in a small voice, because now what Kolivan wanted to know seems really obvious. Keith tries to think of what else to tell him, how to explain the throbbing pain, the strange technicolor blossom. Keith tries to make his mouth form any of those words, but they’re slipping away as quickly as he thinks of them, stolen from his mind before he can speak. Keith finally clenches his fists again, looking up at Kolivan with a serious gaze as he tries to explain the flower. “It was really pointy.”

  “You’re regressing,” Kolivan murmurs in a low voice, frustration clear this time as he narrows his gaze. Kolivan doesn’t seem mad though, just concerned, calculating. Keith doesn’t know what.

  “I – I don’t know what that means,” Keith mutters after a second, because ‘regressing’ is a really big word. No, it’s not, a part of his mind that feels smaller and farther away says. Keith winces, rubbing his fingers over his thumb as he bites his lip. Keith can’t understand enough words or why he’s here or – his brain just feels so fuzzy. “I think I’m getting less smart.”

  “That is what that means, in a way,” Kolivan answers him with a surprisingly wry laugh. Keith crosses his arms and lets out a small huff, because it’s okay for himself to call him dumb, but Kolivan can’t! Kolivan’s laugh deepens for a moment, but then fades away as his expression returns to the serious one he normally wears. “Your mentality is slowing to match your physical age. You need to focus while there is still something of the adult you left. What did you scratch yourself on?”

  “It was a p-purple and orange flower with spikes in the middle. There were long stems coming up from the ground. They were orange too. One of them cut me and cut through my blade costume,” Keith answers carefully, pushing his eyebrows together as he tries to focus on the flower. They talked to an Olkarian before the mission and she told them about the plants there because Keith asked a bunch. Zela was annoyed, but Keith wants a garden when he … he wants a garden someday. “It stuck in my leg and I bleeded. Oh! The con- con, the lady we met called it a Lozai blossom.”

  “Thank you, Keith,” Kolivan says and his voice is warmer than it normally is as he pats Keith on the shoulder. Kolivan rises to his feet and glances over at Zela with a quick nod. “Zela, go contact the research team and tell them to find out what they can about the Lozai blossom.”

  “Right away, Kolivan,” Zela answers quickly as she turns on her heel, tail swishing behind her. Keith watches the tail go back and forth with wide eyes, reaching one small hand out toward it. Next to him, Kolivan raises an eyebrow and presses his mouth into a thin line. Keith flushes and pulls his hand back, because he has no idea what he was going to do. He just really likes tails. Keith wishes he had one, if he’s going to be part Galra. All he got is fluffy hair and a missing mom. It doesn’t seem fair.

  “What – what about my missions?” Keith asks in a small voice after a moment, yawning a little as he blinks owlishly several times. Keith feels exhaustion washes over him, the soreness in his limbs coming back to him as he stumbles a little, throwing his arms out and trying to gain some kind of purchase.

  Kolivan glances over Keith with a considering gaze, lips pressing into a thin line as he bends over again. Keith expects a lecture or to be yelled at – he probably deserves to be – but instead Koran wraps an arm around his waist and lifts him from the ground. Keith flails in his arms, gaze wide and a little terrified as Kolivan drops him on his own bed. Keith is thrown a blanket a second later, Kolivan turning to watch the door with a distant gaze. There’s a tension in the air Keith can’t understand. “We’ll know soon. Nap now.”

  Keith wants to argue, but he can’t keep his eyes open, falling back against the pillow with a low thud. He can feel sleep overtaking him, hands loosening their grip on the blanket as he’s lost to the world. He can only hope that when he opens his eyes again, everything is back to his current normal.

  Things don’t, because Keith’s life is never that simple. Keith sits up slowly, glancing down to see chubby fingers in front of him and lets out a small sigh. Or he means for it to be small, it comes out loud and pouty, arms crossing against this chest as he glares down at his stupid small body. He feels so … useless. Helpless. Keith just wants to be big again. Keith glances over at where Kolivan is standing with a Blade he’s never met going over several files and screens and even stacks of paper. Keith blinks and scoots to the end of the bed, wondering if it’s about the plant that hurt him. 

  “Kolivan?” Keith asks in a small voice, waving his hand in the air gently. Kolivan glances over at him and lets out a low sigh. He walks over and picks Keith up by the waist again, dropping him onto the floor and then turning his gaze back to the door. Kolivan holds a hand out to him and Keith stares at it blankly.

  “Come with me, Keith,” Kolivan says softly, a hint of regret in his voice as he pushes the hand closer to Keith. Keith bites his lip because he’s not a baby – he’s 18, just stuck in a toddler body – but he doesn’t want to make Kolivan any madder. He already messed up when he let the plant poke him and if he doesn’t follow Kolivan he might be useless again. He already wasn’t helping enough with one team, he can’t do that _twice_. Keith takes his hand and lets Kolivan walk him down the hallway.

  Keith sees Zela by the door and she gives him a small smile, but her gaze is tight with anxiety and a hint of guilt. Keith wonders if that means the medicine he’s gonna get to make him old again is going to taste bad. He hopes it doesn’t, all the Blade food is really yucky already. But they walk past her without her saying a word, down the hallway and past the barracks. Keith glances at the hangars for a second, but then then Kolivan tugs him forward and Keith stumbles after him.

  They walk past the soldiers’ rec hall which isn’t even on the same side as the med bay. Keith expects them to turn around, but Kolivan keeps going further to the middle of the base. Keith’s never even been past this point before!

  “This isn’t the med bay,” Keith mutters as he suddenly tugs on Kolivan’s arm, eyes wide as he stares over at Kolivan. His lips quiver a bit because he doesn’t understand where they’re going. Is Kolivan gonna throw him off the ship? Then Kolivan takes him through the big doors in the center of the base, to the elevators Zela uses when she visits her daughter. Keith’s eyes somehow widen even more until he feels like they must be taking up half his head. “This is the fun side of the Blade! You don’t let me go here!”

  “It wasn’t forbidden, just unnecessary,” Kolivan explains in a calm voice, though Keith thinks he sounds like he thinks it’s funny that Keith thought he was forbidden. Keith lets out a low huff, because Kolivan is the one who said he shouldn’t waste his time there. Kolivan glances over at him, gaze growing a little softer and that same regret from before entering his eyes as they reach the floor. “But that has changed. With recent developments, your position in the Marmora has changed, as have our responsibilities toward you.”

  “Mission before the indi- indi – before me,” Keith tells him in a serious voice as he pulls his hand back to cross his arms. Keith isn’t gonna give up the mission just because turning him back into a grownup might hurt or make him sick. Keith gets hurt all the time.

  “That is only for members of the Blade, which does not include children,” Kolivan snaps as he finally lets his emotions overcome him, frustration evident as he gently tugs on his own braid. Keith looks up at him, stomach suddenly hurting as his own gaze grows tighter. Something is bad here, more bad than him turning back into himself hurting. Kolivan finally glances down at him, voice terse. “The effects of the Lozai are … not easily reversible. But Marmora does not abandon its own.”

  “But what am I gonna do?” Keith asks as his voice fills with horror, tears sliding down his cheeks as he crumples toward the ground, tiny fists pounding ineffectively against the cold metal. Kolivan leans over and picks him up again, walking him down the hallway. The colors are lighter here, paintings and photos on the walls. It looks like people live here. Keith blinks a little because he doesn’t even know how many Blade there are. He’s only been on the fighting side. “I can’t fight good now.”

  “No, you cannot, as I said your role within the Marmora has changed with your age,” Kolivan answers in a firm voice, the frustration of a few moments fading in the face of Keith’s upset. They’re in front of a door, and Keith is gently placed down in front of it. There’s a smiling cat on it and Keith doesn’t like that even though he likes cats. “Unless we find a way to reverse the effects of the Lozai, you will stay here.”

  Kolivan pushes the door open, pushing Keith forward with a free arm. The room is filled with bright purple rugs, thick and a little plastic under Keith’s feet, almost bouncy. There are boxes full of toys at the corner and a play table with crayons and markers on it. There are lots of blocks on the other side of the room and a few brightly colored balls and other games. It … it looks like a nursery. He glances at the walls, which has lots of paintings of flowers and trees and yuppers on them. Keith likes that and smiles for a second until he glances down and sees the beds, small and round with safety rails.

  The one closest to him has a little girl in it, with a big white braid and cat ears and Keith bets that Zela’s daughter. There are other kids too, some with cat ears and some with lizard tails, but a few who look more like him or Ezor but more purple. Some of them are asleep, and some are awake and playing with a dollhouse and toy space ships. One of them has Red and Keith wants to run over and take it because Red is – Lance’s. “Kolivan, this is … they’re all babies.”

  “We won’t know until we run your medical tests more exactly, but going by your stature and behavior, you are the youngest child here,” Kolivan points out with a small smile, lips quirking and the corners of his eyes crinkling in amusement. Keith crosses his arms and pouts a little, because he’s not acting like a little kid. He’s just still feeling foggy. He’ll be okay soon and then he can go save people again. Kolivan turns away from, glancing at a woman in the corner of the room. She has a warm smile and a long tail, violet-grey eyes warm as she walks over to them. “Mylek, this is Keith. Find him some more suitable clothes.”

  Then Kolivan sweeps out the door, which shuts with an ominous clink. Keith can feel the children all staring at him curiously and looks at the floor, biting his lip as Mylek takes his hand and leads him through a back door into a changing room. There are rows and rows of clothes in a variety of sizes, all in shades of purple, grey, and blue. Mylek pauses for a second and then hands him a purple T-shirt and grey overalls that end just above his ankle.

  Keith manages to get his T-Shirt on and overalls up, but he can’t get the buttons done, hands clumsily moving the button but not getting it through the hole even though it’s really big. Mylek leans over and gently bats his hands away, sliding the button through the hole and ruffling Keith’s hair. Then Keith finds himself being lifted from the floor and carried to his the main room, gently sliding him into one the smallest beds, with high rails and a few soft toys in it. Keith hasn’t spoken yet, feeling numb and tired again as he grabs a stuffed yupper and holds it to his chest.

  Keith isn’t a soldier anymore. He’s a child and he has no idea how to be one.


	2. Child's Play

  Keith doesn’t start crying again until a few hours later when, one by one, the children of the Blade are taken out of the nursery for fight training. Everyone but him. He’s too small. It’s not anything but fact, but the words still make Keith stiffen in his bed, pressing his stuffed yupper to his chest more tightly than he had a few seconds ago. He’s too little to fight now. He’s useless. Keith’s been not good enough for lots of things – his parents, his foster families, the Garrison, Voltron – but he’s never been so bad he couldn’t help at all since he became a grown up.

  Keith lets out slow, small sniffles until they turn into full sobs, loud and uncontained, tiny fists punching into the soft cushion below. Keith throws himself onto them, belly first, crying and punching until he’s too tired to do either. Keith knows Mylek is staring at him and he curls up into a ball, because he’s not a baby. He doesn’t need pity. Mylek picks him up anyway, rubbing his back softly and humming and after a few seconds, Keith balls his fists into her shirt and cries into her shoulder.

  Eventually Keith’s tears start to fade just as the kids all come back, blades shining from where they sit at their waist. Keith crosses his arms and pouts because Kolivan took his blade when he left him here and he still hasn’t given it back, even though it’s Keith’s and not Kolivan’s. it’s not fair! Mylek gives him a small smile, ruffling his hair as she sets him on the floor in front of the other kids. Keith crosses his arms as he sits on the floor, staring down at the ground while the other kids start playing around him. Keith is a big kid, he can’t play with toys even if he wants to or even if he is still hugging his yupper doll to his chest.  

  “Where’d you come from?” Zela’s daughter, who Mylek calls Axme, asks as she walks over to him, raising an eyebrow curiously. Keith shrugs a little as he pulls himself to his feet, resenting the way he has to press one hand onto the ground to push himself up. Keith’s supposed to be really good at this stuff and now he’s really bad at it.

  “I was a Blade,” Keith tells her in a small voice, blinking in surprise when Axme starts giggling, high and loud, cat ears twitching as she looks at him in disbelief. Keith pouts and stomps his foot against the rug, because he’s not lying! “No, I was, I was a Paladin of Voltron too!”

  “You can’t even say Paladin right,” Axme says with a scoff, leaning over to softly poke him in the chest with one large finger. Keith topples back a little, lips twisting into a grimace as he drops his yupper to the floor. He knows he can’t, Keith can’t say any words right anymore. His mouth is broken. He thinks it’s because of his teeth – which kind of hurt, but Keith’s not gonna tell anyone that – being too small. It’s not because he doesn’t remember what they mean. No way.

  “No, I was I f- flew the Red one!” Keith insists as he throws his arms out again, flailing them in the air a little. He can hear his voice get even higher and strained, tears sliding down his cheeks before he can stop them. Keith’s not lying! He is – was a paladin of Voltron! He was.  “I was really big and good at piloting and – and – “

  “Hey, it’s okay, we all like to play pretend, and since you’re the smallest, you can be the Red Lion,” Axme assures him as she pats him on the arm, smile warm as her sharp teeth glint in the bright lights of the … nursery. Keith is a little afraid of them, but he also does want to play with the stuffed lions and he misses Red almost as much as he misses the other paladins. Red was like his mama or daddy, but now Red is Lance’s, because anyone’d want Lance as a kid over him. It’s just math.

  “Okay,” Keith mutters as he takes Axme’s hand and lets her lead him to the corner where the two other children – one who looks about 10 and one about 7 – are holding up Lions. The boy with a long, swishy tail has the Yellow Lion, while the girl with a head like Ezor is flying Green through the air. Keith smiles softly as he picks up Red, hugging them to his chest and trying to gain the feeling of safety and warmth he used to get whenever he flew them. It doesn’t come, but he does feel a little better with Red clutched in his hands.

  Axme smiles at him as Keith flies Red through the air after the green and yellow lions, sending her through a low dip and then turning her quickly, leaping her around the others. Red is the fastest Lion, she’s gotta move really quickly. Axme smiles at him, picking up the Blue Lion and pressing a hand on her hip, smiling proudly as she dips it toward the dollhouse. “I like Keith the best, she’s cool and mysterious and wears pink.”

  “I’m Keith!” Keith snaps as he crosses his arms over his chest, Red pressing against his side. Axme tells him that no, he’s Lance, and Keith sighs and focuses on playing with a low grumble. He … Keith gets why they don’t believe him. He doesn’t seem like much of a paladin anymore. He didn’t even when he was still big, let alone now.

  Keith’s life falls into a boring pattern after the first day, where he gets fed baby food (his teeth aren’t sharp enough for real Blade food) by Mylek, dressed and left to play or be read to while the other kids all get to go to Blade school. Keith tries to follow a few times, but he’s too slow unless he crawls and he’s … not gonna crawl. He’s not a baby. He doesn’t feel really bad until Mylek, noticing him crying over his teeth for the third time that day, gives him a squishy toy with big, squishy yuppers on it. It’s not until Keith starts mindlessly chewing on it that he realizes that it’s a baby toy and he starts crying all over again.

  Mylek holds him and tells him all babies have teething troubles until their fangs come in, and then Keith is upset because he doesn’t even get fangs. It’s then that Kolivan walks in, because nothing ever goes well for Keith. He drops the teething toy on the floor and toddles over to Kolivan, trying to walk all the way there without sticking his arms out or falling. Maybe if he can walk good enough Kolivan will give him his knife back.

  “Keith, I wanted to speak with you,” Kolivan calls as he walks into the nursery, a small smile laying on his lips as Keith stumbles a little in his path. Keith frowns, scrunching his eyebrows in determination as he pushes his arms out and manages to get all the way to Kolivan without falling. Kolivan kneels down so they’re eye to eye, resting his index finger on Keith’s shoulder to steady him a bit. “I have informed the Paladins of Voltron about your situation, and they would like to visit you to assess the situation for themselves.”

  “They – they wanna come play with me?” Keith asks before he can stop himself, eyes widening a little as his mouth forms into a small ‘o’. Keith hasn’t seen them in forever and he left and – he really misses them. Keith smiles, slow and wide as he presses his hands against Kolivan’s chest, earning a small sound of surprise from the other man. “Really?”

  “Is that so surprising?” Kolivan says, a hint of confusion to his voice as he brings down one hand to awkwardly ruffle Keith’s hair. It doesn’t really work since his hand is the size of Keith’s whole head. Kolivan is so cool.

  “We haven’t talked since Lotor stopped things from blowing up and that was forever ago,” Keith mutters as he crosses his arms, Red again pressed between them. He hasn’t heard from them at all since they all agreed to give Lotor a chance, even though Keith still isn’t sure they should. Lotor is mean and has stupid hair and he never even apologized to the people they saved or the paladins. He’s a bad guy even if he’s on their side.

  “It was 10 days ago, kit,” Kolivan answers him and Keith looks up in surprise, blinking owlishly. That isn’t possible. It felt like forever ago, and if that was only ten days that meant he only hadn’t been a paladin for, for, well not that long! And it feels like he hasn’t been one in _forever_. Then Keith freezes, eyes widening more because did, did Kolivan just call him ‘kit’? that’s what the Blade called babies! Kolivan seems to catch on to his horror as Keith starts pouting, holding up one hand as he lets out a low sigh. “Apologies.”

  “When are they gonna come?” Keith murmurs softly, already past being called a kit. He looks down at the floor, at his small soft purple booties and overalls, all in Blade colors. The paladins are gonna see him just like this. Keith swallows before finally looking back up at Kolivan with heavy eyes. “Are they mad at me?”

  Kolivan raises an eyebrow, biting his lip as though he’s not quite sure what Keith means. Keith glances over his head and then lets out another deep breath, gaze dropping back to Keith. His voice is stiff when he next speaks, as though he’s trying to sound comforting but doesn’t quite know how. “Why would they be angry with you?”

  “Lots of reasons,” Keith sighs after a beat, hugging Red to his chest as he remembers their faces right before he left, how easily they let him go. It’s … it’s his own fault, Keith is the bad one. He knows that. But he still doesn’t want them all to look at him like that again, and getting turned into a baby and becoming useless is a pretty big mistake, even for him.

* * *

  Lance doesn’t know what to expect when he walks into the Blade’s nursery, since first of all he hadn’t expected them to have one, let alone one that look so … normal. Not after how weird the past month has been. First Shiro came back, then Keith left for the Blade with barely a goodbye, leaving no trace of anything behind, unclear on if he planned on coming back after the Blade found Lotor. Lance has asked once or twice, early on, only to get short replies from Shiro and blank looks from Allura. He stopped asking after that, moved on. They all did. Keith was gone and that’s all there was to it.

  Except now Keith is a baby. Lance has no idea what they’re supposed to do with this. Keith’s not like, he’s not their responsibility now that he’s not a paladin, he’s probably belongs to the Blade, but Lance doesn’t want to leave a baby to the Blade. They’ll probably make Keith try to and sneak into Galra bases or something. God knows it didn’t sound like they cared about his life when he was a paladin, let alone now that he’s not.

  Lance is hesitantly waiting by the door, peeking his head over a bit to glance around the room. He’s been told the other kids are at school right now, so it’ll just be him and Keith. He has no idea if that’s better or not. Lance catches sight of a kid in a purple onesie with a cat on it, somewhere around 2 and a half going by his nieces and nephews, maybe a little older, chewing on a teething ring with yuppers on it. Then he takes in the pale skin and giant violet eyes and messy black hair. It’s _Keith_. Shit, he’s a literal baby. Lance thought he’d be at least five or six. Not this small.

  Lance takes a step forward and watches as Keith hurriedly tosses his teething ring to the side, hiding it under his pillow. Right, Lance won’t mention that. He doesn’t want to make this any weirder than it has to be. Lance stares over at Keith and smiles weakly, sure his shock most show in his wide eyes and slow, almost zombie like walk over to him. He figures Keith must understand better than anyone how _weird_ this whole thing is though, going by his watery eyes and crossed arms. He’s even grumpy as a baby. Lance finds that kind of reassuring.

  “Hey, Keith, wow you … you’re actually a baby,” Lance says as he gets to the side of his bed with a wry grin, wriggling his eyebrows a little. While he’s not going to make fun of the teething ring, he is gonna tease Keith about this, because well, how could he not? Not too much, because he knows this situation is actually pretty dire. Plus, the Paladins go to Olkarian often enough there’s like, a 30% chance this could happen to him next, and he wants some goodwill once they get Keith back to adult size. If they do.

  “I’m not a baby!” Keith cries as he throws his arms out, pouting as he leans toward Lance, grabbing one of the rails next to him for support. Lance blinks a little, shaking his head slowly because that is not the reaction he saw coming. More like something quick and snarky, Keith crossing his arms and glaring at him like he usually does. This isn’t his Keith, not entirely.

  “Keith, you’re in a crib,” Lance points out with a slow smirk, because his Keith exactly or not, he doesn’t think he wants to be treated differently. But also, he _is_ in a crib, if one slightly modified for Galra sized babies and claws. Keith glares at him and takes a few wobbly steps forward – Lance wonders if he should tell Keith he can crawl if he wants, but decides to let him have his pride – to grab the side of the bar with one hand.

  Keith is clutching something with his other hand, and Lance double takes as he realizes that it’s a stuffed Red Lion. Lance bites his lip and tries not to laugh, even as a small part of him feels a little wistful for the days when Red was Keith’s and Blue was his. Things were a lot simpler then.  “Not a crib.”

  “Okay, okay, it’s not a crib. It’s a very grown up bed with stuffed animals in it and where you’re wearing a onesie,” Lance teases him with a wink, earning another pout from Keith, who does cross his arms this time. Lance’s expression softens as he takes in the slightly watery eyes and shaking frame, because he knows an oncoming meltdown when he sees one. Time to turn on the razzle dazzle, baby edition. Lance leans over and grabs Keith by the waist. “So, do you want to play?”

  “Yeah!” Keith yells as Lance lifts him up in the air, a bright smile coming over his face as he waves his arms back and forth. Then he immediately flushes, pouting though it doesn’t reach his gaze. Lance could put him down, but he kind of misses his niece and she’d be about Keith’s age since it’s been … 9 months since they left earth? Maybe 10? Lance wishes they’d started keeping track earlier. Instead Lance holds him tightly, blinking at Keith’s tiny giggle as he’s forced to wrap his arms around Lance’s neck for balance. 

  Lance glances down at Keith, who’s the size of a two-year-old and has the language skills of a three-year-old, but there’s a layer of baby fat and instability to his motions that remind Lance of a kid closer to one and half. Lance wishes he’d paid more attention in his child development unit in high school. Though … it suddenly hits him that Keith is part alien. He might not ever be the same age as the rest of them entirely. _Weird_.

  “They have stuffed animals of all of us? This is badass,” Lance murmurs to distract himself from musing on all the ways in which Keith is an alien, because that’s probably rude to do in front of Keith. Keith looks up at him with wide eyes, squeezing Red a little more tightly and – oh. Shit. “I mean, really cool.”

  “Not really a baby,” Keith grumbles with an overdramatic eye roll, grabbing Green from the toy pile and placing her on the floor between them. Keith frowns tightly, eyes growing waterier as he nods decisively. Lance raises an eyebrow, because he’s not sure where this is going. Suddenly Keith lunges forward, pushing Red into his arms. “Here.”

  Lance raises an eyebrow as he watches Keith’s lips wobble as he picks up Green and slowly flies her through the air, gaze growing brighter as he plays with the toy. Lance holds Red up in Keith’s face with a raised eyebrow. “You sure you don’t want to be Red?”

  “Red’s yours,” Keith points out in a small voice, sounding surprisingly firm as he moves Green playfully through the air again. Lance notices the way he avoids the Black Lion entirely. Lance can’t help the small wave of annoyance, of hurt that rises in him at Keith’s words. It doesn’t, didn’t have to be like this.

  “Only because you left,” Lance sighs, eyebrows sloping down as he shoots Keith a dark look. Keith stops flying Green mid-swing, gaze growing a lot waterier as he drops the Lion. Keith bites his lips and looks down, shaking his head a little as though trying to stop himself from crying. Lance closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, feeling like an ass. He can’t believe he just tried to shame a baby. This … this isn’t _really_ Keith. He doesn’t know why he left Voltron, so it’s not like he can tell Lance anyway. “I’m sorry – “

  “Nuh-uh,” Keith tells him as his head shoots up, black bangs falling across his chubby cheeks as he looks up at Lance with an expression of determination, frowning as he balls his hands into fists. Then Keith says something that makes Lance drop the stuffed Red. “I was gonna leave when you told me.”

  Lance feels himself go numb, a little like he’s outside of his own body. The only thing grounding him is a growing feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach. Lance picks up Red and slowly presses it into Keith’s hand, not stopping until Keith grips it. It feels like the right thing to do suddenly. “What are you talking about, Keith?”

  “When you called yourself – yourself – when you said you were bad,” Keith mumbles with a tight frown, eyebrows scrunching together as he tries to remember the words. It would be cute if Lance wasn’t so horrified. Keith shrugs a little, hugging Red to his chest. He looks even younger somehow, gaze wide and vulnerable, expression innocent to the way he’s making Lance’s heart clench in his chest. “I was gonna leave already ‘cause Shiro was back.”

  Suddenly Lance understands fully, nodding with a tight smile of his own, wanting to laugh at the irony. Things were going to sort themselves out because Keith always saw himself as the extra cog. They were both feeling the same thing after Shiro got back, Lance is just the only one who said anything. He wonders if Keith had trusted him more, or maybe if Keith had trusted himself more, then they could’ve avoided all of this. Why couldn’t there be an extra paladin? It would’ve meant they’d always have Voltron. “But then Shiro couldn’t fly the Black Lion.”

  “Yeah, but now he can and you’re a team!” Keith cries as he waves his hands again with a surprisingly bright smile, the one squeezing Red not letting go as he leans toward Lance. Keith pushes one hand against Lance’s chest gently, or maybe hard since he’s a toddler right now.

  “Don’t you miss … Red?” Lance asks in a soft voice, eyebrows sloping down a little as he thinks about their Lions. He still misses Blue, even after flying Red for the past four months. Not that they had that many missions after Shiro came back and Lotor vanished for two and a half months. They’ve only had one since and that ... well, it almost ended with all of them dying. But he’s not going to tell a baby that. Even if the baby is Keith. But … maybe Keith doesn’t feel the same way about Red that he does about Blue. “I guess not, you hadn’t been piloting her for months when you left.”

  “Red yours now,” Keith answers as he looks down, biting his lip as he hugs Red to his chest tightly. There’s something lost and sad in his gaze, as he mumbles his next few words. “Can’t have her back.”

  “Keith … are you happy?” Lance murmurs even though that feels obvious, with how down Keith is right now. But the thing is, Keith hadn’t been sad until Lance brought up Red. He’d been … excited, playing Voltron like a normal little kid, wrapping his arms around Lance’s neck and pouting. He doesn’t seem as angry, as bitter as Lance expected him to be. Keith seems to consider his words, eyebrows scrunching together for a few seconds before he suddenly gives a quick nod.

  “Yeah!” Keith tells him as he suddenly smiles, wide and excited and open in a way Keith never is as an adult. He waves his arm in the air, excitedly pointing at one of the flower decals on the wall. Lance follows his gaze, smiling even though he feels his heart twist a little. “Mylek is gonna take me to a space park! She said if I’m good, I can have my own gar- gar – flowers!”

  “That’s great Keith,” Lance says answers with a warm smile, gaze growing more tender as he ruffles Keith’s hair. They play house after that, Keith excitedly pretending to plant flowers and putting Red to sleep in a baby carriage, and for one, hilarious moment Lance regrets not filming, pretending to be Kolivan by walking around with a toy sword and a scowl.

  Lance leaves two hours later when Keith is forced to take a nap he clearly needs, yawning and waving as Lance reaches the door. Lance waves back with a small smile that fades the moment he’s in the elevator, eyebrows sloping down a little as he considers the past few hours. Keith was always going to leave when Shiro came back, never even considered that it should be someone else or even that he should just stay on the ship. And Keith never told any of them how he felt, couldn’t because he’s too closed off, too afraid to trust them -

  But he’s not now. This Keith, small and innocent, is happy and open, feelings shared as easily as air. Even though he has his memories, he doesn’t have any of his issues or fears and … doesn’t Keith deserve that? Deserve the chance to grow up safe and loved and without wondering when he should leave people before they left him? Lance can’t get the thought out of his mind as he walks back into the castle. 

  “How was it? Weird?” Hunk asks when Lance walks into the sitting room, setting his tiny engine to the side along with his screwdriver. Pidge glances up too, setting aside a tiny robot Lance is already afraid of. Maybe they could build Keith a tiny lion. He’d like that. Hunk pushes his eyebrows together, frowning a bit as he sees Lance slide down onto the couch, pressing his palm against his face. “I mean, I guess it would have to be weird, Keith being a baby and all. How old is he?”

  “I think around 2 and a half? It’s hard to tell because Keith’s Galra genes make him seem younger,” Lance says with a small shrug, gaze growing heavier as he remembers Keith crawling to grab a doll, only seeming to realize what he’s doing when he glanced over at Lance. His eyes had gone comically wide and Lance couldn’t stop himself from chortling, Keith’s own giggles, loud and free, following a few seconds later. Lance has never heard him laugh like that before. “I … guys, are we sure we should look for a cure?”

  “What?” Pidge snaps with a blank expression, mouth hanging open as she turns around on the couch to stare at Lance. Lance presses his heels into the carpet a bit more, digging his fingers into the couch. “What are you even saying?”

  Allura comes over to his side from where she’d been standing in the corner of the room, hair down and loose around her shoulders. It makes her look softer, smile gentle and understanding, though Lance can see a spark of worry in her gaze, a hint of fear that belies the calm in her voice. “Lance, I know the coalition is important and of course we’ll still put it first, but – “

  “No, I mean – what if this is better for Keith? He’s happy now. Keith deserves a chance to grow up without feeling abandoned and without any of his problems,” Lance explains in a low voice, pressing his hands together as he lets out a deep exhale. He stares off into the deep void of space, ignoring Pidge’s gasp or the way he can feel Hunk’s and Allura’s eyes boring into him, even the soft footsteps in the back of the room. Lance needs to say it, needs to put it out there even if he’s actually wrong because what if he’s not? What if Keith getting stabbed by this plant is actually the universe’s way of repaying Keith for giving him such a shitty childhood before?

  “Keith isn’t actually a toddler!” Pidge yells as she leans toward him, throwing her arms out wide as she shoots him a tight glare. Lance admits that she also makes a good point. “He’s an adult with feelings and a mind of his own!”

  “Yeah, and look how that’s been working out for him!” Lance groans as he runs a hand through his hair, letting out another deep breath as everyone else keeps staring at him like he’s lost his mind. Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything after all. “I don’t mean that. – I just look, Keith was so happy and he’s never happy and – “

  “Enough,” Shiro cuts him off mid-sentence, hands pressed against his hip as he shoots Lance a dark glare, lips twisted tightly as he leans toward him. Lance doesn’t think he’s ever seen Shiro this angry. “We’re not leaving Keith a toddler.”

  The room goes quiet after that, Lance staring out the window and trying to convince himself he’s wrong and everyone else is right.

* * *

  Keith is happy when Lance comes back two days later with Hunk this time, especially when Hunk ties his bandana around his waist and lets Keith be Coran the pirate, waving his hand through the air and wearing a felt mustache. He’s happy when Pidge stops by two days after that, showing him all of the cutest robots she’s made and letting Keith play with the ones without any sharp parts. Sometimes Pidge seemed kind of sad, but then he’d look back and she’d smile really, really wide, so Keith thinks he’s wrong. Allura and Coran haven’t come to visit yet, but Pidge promises Keith they’ll be there next week.

  But she never mentions Takashi and she looked away when Keith asked like he hadn’t even said anything.

  Keith doesn’t understand why Takashi isn’t coming to see him when Takashi is his very best friend, hugging Red to his chest just a little bit tighter. Maybe Takashi’s mad at him because he ran off by himself and got hurt? The other paladins – when Keith was a paladin- never liked him doing that even though he was always okay. But Kolivan’s not even mad and Kolivan’s a lot more serious than Takashi. Maybe … maybe Takashi is still mad he left. He didn’t seem mad when they fought the witch lady, but maybe that’s because he was busy. Maybe he thinks Keith is bad now.

  “Keith, sweetheart, are you all right?” Mylek asks and Keith looks up in surprise, curling into himself a little further. It’s not time for his nap (not that he needs one) or for his snack. Mylek sits down on the floor, giving him a soft smile as she runs a finger over the top of Red’s head. “You seem upset today. You haven’t played with any of your toys.”

  “I’m not a baby,” Keith mumbles under his breath even as he squeezes Red a little closer to him, eyebrows sloping down a little bit. Maybe that’s why Shiro’s mad at him, because he’s a baby. If Shiro got turned into a baby, Keith would probably be upset too. Shiro can’t talk to him about important stuff anymore. But then Shiro hadn’t been talking to him about stuff at all since he got back from being lost in space. He felt even further away after they found him than when he was lost.

  “I know you’re not, but you’ve played with them every day but today,” Mylek points out, pulling Keith away from his thoughts as she gently ruffles his hair. She hands him a juice box with a small, worried frown, and Keith takes it with both hands. Even the things for little kids are too big for him at the Blade. Keith takes a few deep sips before setting the box aside, glancing at the play table with a small frown. He already tried drawing and that didn’t make him feel better either. Mylek gives him another soft smile. “Is there something you want, kit?”

  Keith frowns tightly at the name, but this time he doesn’t whine like he did with Kolivan. He … he is a little kid right now, even if he remembers being big. He doesn’t feel like an adult anymore, not the way he still did at first. Keith just feels confused and small and he misses his friends even more than he did before. “I want …”

  “Keith?” Mylek says as she picks up his juice box, glancing around the room as though looking for what it is that Keith’s missing. She’s not gonna find it.  

  “I want Takashi, he still hasn’t come to play with me,” Keith mutters as he crosses his arms, letting Red fall to the floor next to him with a low huff. Keith can feel the tears building in the back of his eyes, biting his lip as he tries to push them away. He knows he’s being unfair, but he misses Takashi so much. Mylek frowns softly, understanding filling her gaze as she pats him on the shoulder. “Lance and Hunk did and Pidge too but not Takashi, and he was my best friend. And now he don’t want to see me.”

  “I’m sure Takashi wants to see you, Keith,” Mylek assures him in a warm voice, taking his hand as she walks him back toward his bed. It’s a bed. Keith guesses it’s closer to his afternoon nap than he thought. He’s bad at telling time now. Not that he was good before, but he used to be better with ticks. “I imagine he is just having a hard time adjusting to the idea that you’re a child right now. After all, wouldn’t you struggle with it if Takashi turned into a baby?”

  “Better than going away,” Keith grumbles under his breath, holding his arms out thoughtlessly as Mylek reaches down to lift him up. He gave up trying to get into his bed by himself after he scraped both his knees for the third time. He still has band aids on his knees underneath his sweatpants. But Takashi won’t come see him and before that he was gone forever twice and then – then Keith’s the one who ran away. At least Takashi never left on purpose. “I guess I did that too.”

  “You did, but he knew where you were,” Mylek reminds him gently as she lifts him and slides him into his bed, handing him Red with a small smile. Keith cuddles Red to his chest and nods a little, expression growing a little softer as he stares down at Red. Takashi does know where he went, knows how to contact the Blade. And Takashi still hasn’t come to see Keith and didn’t before he got turned into a kid either – but he couldn’t then. Voltron. Keith knows that.  

  “Yeah,” Keith whispers with a soft smile, letting out a yawn as he leans back against his pillow. He wraps his arm around Red and closes his eyes, letting sleep drift over him.

  Still, when another two days go by without Takashi coming to see him and Kolivan not mentioning him, and Keith starts to get worried again. Maybe Takashi really is over him now. He said he’d be there for him when Keith left and Keith told him he knew that was true and he’d meant it but … Keith knows you only get so many chances. He couldn’t blame Takashi if he’d already used up all of his and he didn’t want to see Keith anymore.

  Axme comes over with another kid, Tylo who has really cool lizard scales and a tail – everyone got a tail but Keith – and frowns softly as she sits down next to him on the floor. Keith gives them a weak smile that he’s pretty sure looks more like a grimace, crossing his arms as he tries to keep them from seeing the tears running down his cheeks. He’s pretty sure it doesn’t work though. “Why are you crying?”

  “My – my parents are gone and Takashi don’t want me,” Keith cries as he punches the carpet softly with one fist, almost knocking over his block tower. Keith’s eyes widen, waiting for them to be afraid of him – everyone is – but Axme and Tylo act like he didn’t even get mad. Maybe it really is a Galra thing after all. Tylo just smiles, gaze warm and understanding as he pats Keith on the back, adding another block to the talk of his tower. It’s getting really high now.

  “My dad died too, during the war,” Tylo says in a small voice as he moves a little closer to Keith, turning one of the blocks back and forth in his hand. Tylo’s eyebrows slope down as his white braid brushes against Keith’s shoulder and tickles him a little bit. Keith giggles before he can stop himself, but then he frowns again as he takes in Tylo’s words. He guesses he’s not the only orphan in the room for once. Tylo gives him a small grin, bright and a little crooked. It reminds Keith of Lance. “A lot of us are missing one or both parents. That’s why the Marmorans have to stick together.”

  “But the Blade – we gotta let people die,” Keith mutters with a small cry, not able to keep his fear out of his voice. Keith doesn’t care about dying himself – he doesn’t want to but he’s not _afraid_ – but he doesn’t like losing other people. They’re important. Kolivan says that Blades don’t save each other because every Blade knows that they’re exp- exp- that they can die and it’s okay. Keith knows that too, but sometimes it makes his stomach hurt really badly and he doesn’t know why.

  “You were never in the Blade, Kolivan just found you and told you that because he wanted you to stop crying,” Axme tells him with a low sigh, rolling her eyes as she flips her own braid behind her ear. She still doesn’t believe Keith about having been in the Blade or even just that he used to be a grown up. Keith can’t really blame her, sometimes he almost doesn’t either. Axme shrugs a little as she hands him a block. “And that’s only the Blades even if that’s most of us. The rest of the Marmorans don’t do that.”

  “But we gotta for the cause!” Keith insists as he balls his hands into tiny fists, shaking them in the air as he pushes his eyebrows together in determination. Keith knows what he needs to do and that’s protect people. That’s the paladin and Blade way. “We gotta save people.”

  “Yeah, but my mom’s a doctor, she saves people too and she doesn’t ever have to die or let anyone die,” Tylo points out as he ruffles Keith’s hair a bit, and Keith’s knows that because without doctors he’d be dead right now. Naxzela isn’t the only time Keith’s tried to protect people and almost died. It’s the third. Suddenly Tylo’s expression grows brighter, smiling as he points at Red at Keith’s side. “And Voltron doesn’t either.”

  “No, they don’t,” Keith agrees in a small voice, all the times he jumped in front of Pidge and Hunk, when he saved Takashi or protected Lance in Red flashing in his memories. But also all the times they’d protected him, helped him, forgiven him when he was being dumb. Keith’s smile grows a little sadder as he runs a hand over Red. “They’re good guys.”

  “Yeah, I wanna grow up to be just like Shiro,” Axme says softly as she adds another block to the tower, her knife gleaming from where it’s loose in her sheath. Last week she wanted to be like Keith, but he can’t blame her for changing her mind. He doesn’t even wanna be like Keith right now.

  “Me too,” Keith murmurs as he adds another block instead of reminding her that he’s Keith, not Allura. He just wants to play right now and not think about being a Blade or a paladin or not being one. All of it suddenly seems like too much for him.

* * *

  Shiro winces a little as he reaches the nursery door, fingers brushing against the handle before he pulls back. He can do this, needs to do this. He owes it to Keith. Keith’s one of his two best friends, and he never would have been here in the first place if it wasn’t for Shiro, in so many different ways. Shiro is afraid to see Keith like this. He knows it’s childish, but he’s never known Keith as younger than 14, already too capable by half for his age. Seeing this Keith the way Lance and Pidge described him, small and helpless, worries him. But Shiro needs to get over it. This is how things are now, for now.

  Shiro pushes his way into the nursery and looks around the room slowly, gaze finally landing on a small child in a purple hoodie with cat ears and grey shorts, intently gliding a stuffed cat through the air. Keith. Keith doesn’t seem to notice him yet – his Keith would’ve already had his knife out by now – focused on his game. Shiro takes a few steps forward, heavy boots squishing against the thick rug, waving awkwardly as Keith finally looks up from his doll.   

  “Takashi!” Keith cries as he waves his arm in the air, slowly rolling to his feet and making a few awkward steps forward. He throws his arms out, one still clutching that cat, for balance. Shiro bites his lip at that, wondering if Keith finds that the most upsetting part of this. Or did. Kolivan says he’s becoming more and more childlike with each passing day. Him calling Shiro ‘Takashi’ is proof enough of that. “You came!”

  “Of course I did, buddy,” Shiro tells him as Keith wraps his tiny arms around his legs, squeezing tightly. Shiro realizes he probably should have kneeled down to be closer to Keith’s level. Shiro bends down at the waist, pressing an arm on Keith’s shoulder – or trying to, because his hand was already the size of Keith’s shoulder before. Now it completely dwarves it. Shiro settles for ruffling his hair instead, giving Keith a warm smile. “I’m sorry that it took so long. Voltron and the Coalition took up a lot of time.”

  “I know,” Keith says with a small smile as he finally lets go of Shiro’s leg, eyes shining as he grabs his hand instead. He tugs on Shiro until Shiro follows him, frowning as he notes his wobbly steps. Lance hadn’t been kidding about his lack of balance. Keith squats down in front of a toy box, smiling up at Shiro.

  Shiro blinks as Keith pulls a few more stuffed cats and blocks out of the box, surrounding them both with the toys. Shiro finally kneels down from sheer confusion as Keith hands him a block with a decisive nod. Was it some kind of code? “What are you doing?”

  “Do you wanna play Voltron?” Keith asks in a small voice as he holds up the stuffed cat. Now that it’s up close, Shiro can see that it’s a chubby, plush version of Red. Shiro smiles a little at that, eyebrows sloping down as he pictures little Keith dragging his Red around while he runs – well probably crawls – across this playroom, reliving his glory days. He wonders if he plays Blade too, and Shiro is surprised by the surge of jealousy he feels at that idea. He can’t lie, it had … hurt when Keith seemingly chose the Blade, chose Kolivan as a mentor over him. He knows that isn’t what happened, but it feels like every time he gets something important back, he loses something else. He guesses that’s how Keith feels too.

  “Play Voltron?” Shiro mutters when he realizes Keith is staring at him impatiently, tugging on the bottom of his shirt with his tiny hand. Keith’s frowning, gaze anxious as though he expects Shiro to say no. Shiro gives him a quick grin, hoping his own ambivalence doesn’t show in face as he grabs the Blue Lion from the floor and examines it carefully. “Oh, you have stuffed animals of all of us. Or the Lions at least. And you play with them?”

  “Yeah!” Keith tells him as he sits down on the floor, waving his hands excitedly as he stares up at Shiro with bright eyes. Then he grins, wide and excited even though his next words almost make Shiro fall over. “I saw the show too! Mylek showed it to us and you were the bestest one! You’re the hero!”

  “Yeah, that was … an interesting week,” Shiro murmurs as he flashes back to all the events Coran made them perform at in increasingly ridiculous shows. Then Shiro processes what Keith just said, face going blank as he sets Blue back down on the floor. Keith, who was embarrassed to be in a parade, watched the ice show and isn’t teasing him about it? Who is this kid? “Wait, so _you_ liked the ice show?”

  “Yeah, it was funny,” Keith says and then giggles as he flies Red through the air, doing sloppy versions of the loops Lance does at Parade. Shiro watches and narrows his gaze a little, because this smiling kid play acting parades isn’t someone he knows. Not really. Then suddenly Keith looks up at him, gaze growing confused. Then he smiles, eyes lighting up as though he’s figured out why Shiro’s sad. The fact that he shoves a stuffed Black in his hands a second later belies that assumption though. “Here, Black’s yours.”

  “As you insisted,” Shiro mutters in a voice tinged with bitterness, both at himself and Keith. Keith never believed in himself, never trusted Shiro about his own skills. He ran from being the leader. But maybe if he’d listened more, let Keith make more decisions on his own, tried to bond with Black again earlier instead of pushing Keith’s pleas aside for almost two months, maybe if he’d done any of those things, Keith could have grown to fit the role. Maybe Keith just needs time. But that’s not something they had a lot of, before. “I’m sorry Keith, I know that doesn’t help now.”

  “Black was always yours,” Keith tells him in a surprisingly serious voice for a two-year-old, running Red along the floor as he stares down at the doll. His hair is pulled back in a tiny braid. Then Keith looks up, eyes watery and voice apologetic, or as apologetic as a child can be. “I stoled her. That’s why Red left me.”

  “Keith, that’s not what happened. You do know that, don’t you?” Shiro asks softly, eyebrows sloping down a bit as he remembers what Lance told him after he babysat. He thought Lance had been exaggerating when he said Keith always thought he needed to leave, but now he’s not so sure. Shiro glances down at Keith, eyes wide and soft, lips trembling a little as he wraps his hands around Red. Maybe Keith did plan it or maybe he didn’t, but Shiro’s not going to get answers about that until Keith’s older. “No, I guess you don’t right now.”

  “Right now?” Keith answers with a small frown and then he giggles again, the sadness from a few seconds ago fading as he picks up Green too. “You’re silly, Takashi.”

  “Stop calling me that!” Shiro snaps before he can stop himself, voice rising a little bit as he hears ‘Takashi’ ring through the air again. Keith hasn’t called him that since he was 16 and Shiro first told him that his co-pilots (well, future co-pilots) could use his nickname. ‘Takashi’ only highlights that this isn’t the Keith he’s known and helped shape.  

  Keith’s eyes widen, entire body trembling as he hugs himself, pulling his hoodie up with one hand so the cat ears stick up and his face is hidden. Shiro winces as his shoulders slump, because right, Keith is a baby and Shiro is a jerk. That’s what is going on here now. “What?”

  “No, no, Keith, I didn’t mean it, I’m not mad at you. Here, let’s keep playing,” Shiro reassures him as he picks up Black and flies her through the air with stiff arms. Keith watches him for a few seconds before carefully picking up Red and flying alongside him. Shiro gives him a warm smile, trying to think of one of their better missions to recreate, something that will remind Keith of who he is. “Maybe we could do the mission where you flew through the asteroids – “

  “Let’s do the time with Naxzela,” Keith says instead, and Shiro frowns tightly. Keith wasn’t even a part of Voltron when that happened. Keith puts Red in his lap, grabbing a block from his side. He leans over and grabs a ball and slides it between them, nodding decisively as he glances up at Shiro. “Here, this block is like my ship, and this ball can be the big ship.”

  “Keith, why are you flying your ship into the ball?” Shiro wonders with a small, bemused laugh as Keith keeps slamming the block into the side of the ball repeatedly. Shiro thinks Keith might not remember how to fly as well as he thought a few minutes ago.

  “That’s how I was gonna save you,” Keith explains with a bright smile as he rams his block into the ball again, not noticing the way Shiro’s face goes carefully blank. Keith pouts a little, shaking his head as he sticks his tongue out at a nearby purple doll. “But _Lotor_ got there first.”

  “You were going to crash into the planet?” Shiro whispers, voice growing tight as his stomach drops out. Keith would have … not even he could pilot himself out of that. And there was every chance it wouldn’t have changed anything. Keith would’ve been sacrificing himself on what, a 20%, 30% chance of saving the rest of them, if that. Shiro swallows a scream and tries to keep his voice level. “Keith, you could have died.”

  “I would of,” Keith answers matter of factly, giving Shiro a crooked smile as he glides the block through the air. Shiro reaches out and snags the block out of his hand, Keith’s eyes widening for a second. Then Keith shrugs as he picks up Red, hugging the doll to his chest. “I was gonna blow up so you wouldn’t blow up so it’s okay.”

  “Oh, we should play something else,” Shiro murmurs with a low sigh, because this Keith isn’t going to be able to tell him what the hell he was thinking, if he even considered how much it would hurt him or Lance or Pidge or anyone else. If Keith really thinks his life is worth so much less than theirs. All this Keith can do is play ice show and giggle at Shiro’s corny imitations of Lance and Hunk.

  Shiro leaves after a few hours, watching as Keith gets put into bed for a nap, like he’s a real toddler. Shiro supposes he pretty much he is now. He should have gotten there earlier. Shiro made a tactical error not listening to Lance and Pidge about that. Allura greets him with a small smile as he gets back on the ship, gaze tight and worried as she speaks. “Shiro, how is Keith?”

  “Pidge, contact the Olkari, I’m making finding a cure for the effects of finding the Lozai Blossom are first priority after the Coalition,” Shiro calls out instead of answering her, though he knows Allura is smart enough to take that for the answer it is. Next to him, he watches her eyebrows draw together, hands clasped a little more tightly as she glances over at Pidge.

  “I thought it already was,” Pidge grumbles even as she types away hurriedly on the computer, lips pressing into a thin line. Even more than him, Pidge has been angry about Keith’s sudden transformation, annoyed by it.

  “Well, now it’s of equal importance,” Shiro says with a quick smile that he knows doesn’t reach his gaze. He walks to the corner of the room, gaze growing tight as he stares at the void of space and imagines the flames that could have stolen Keith from all of them. Because Keith _let_ them. “I need answers.”

  No one says anything, and Shiro thinks they all know he doesn’t mean about the plant. A few days and many conversations with the Olkari later, they have something of a lead on one of the herbs necessary to reverse Keith’s condition. It’s weak at best, but that’s better than nothing. Shiro walks into the nursery, feeling a little more confident now that he has some kind of starting point for bringing his Keith back from the tiny toddler cage he’s currently stuck in and bringing him home.   

    “Takashi!” Keith calls from across the room, toddling over, though he has to stop every few seconds to throw his arms out and regain his balance. Shiro almost wants to tell him to crawl, but he knows Keith would never live it down, even as a toddler. “Are you gonna play with me again?”

  “For a little while, buddy,” Shiro says with a small smile as he kneels down on the floor next to him, giving Keith a warm smile as Keith sits down next to him. Red is sitting in his lap, a small orange bandana around their neck now. “But I’ve got more important news for you.”

  “Are you gonna take me for a ride in Voltron?” Keith asks as his eyes widen excitedly, grabbing his arm with his little hand. Keith’s smiling widely like he hasn’t been in Voltron hundreds of times. “Can I ride in Red? No off-off, no bad but Black is scary.”

  “Yeah, I think you felt that way before too,” Shiro murmurs with a soft smile, gaze growing far away as regret starts to build in his throat again. Shiro pushes that away, because there will be time for that later when Keith isn’t 2 and can actually understand well, anything. It doesn’t stop Shiro from lecturing him a little, words spilling off his tongue. “But you need to learn to get past your fears, Keith. If you’re going to be a Blade or part of Voltron again, you can’t let your emotions affect the team or your mission.”

  “I know,” Keith mumbles in a small voice as he hugs Red to his chest, gaze dropping to the floor. Then he looks back at Shiro with determined eyes, hands clenched into tiny fists. “I’m gonna be good when I’m big.”

  “Big? I –” Shiro starts and then stops, shaking his head a little bit. He’s not going to argue with a two-year-old about how he refers to himself. Not when he has news that’s going to make Keith smile even more brightly than he did a few seconds ago. “You will be. And that’s actually what I came to talk to you about, Keith. It might not be too long. We don’t know for sure, but we’re working on a lead. It might not – I don’t want to get your hopes up. The chance of finding the right herbs are low, and even then, it might not be effective. You’re unique DNA … complicates things. But we’re going to search for it – “

  “What about Voltron?” Keith asks, voice loud as it rings across the room, crossing his arms against his chest as he glares at him. His gaze is a mix of actual offense but also something scared that Shiro doesn’t understand.

  “You’re right that we would have to take time away from the Coalition, but you’re worth it to us Keith,” Shiro answers with a small smile, leaning over to ruffle Keith’s hair. He expects understanding to come into Keith’s eyes, or at least the excitement he thought would come into his eyes when Shiro shared the news in the first place. Instead Keith pulls back from him, pouting as he stares back at him, the fear in his gaze only growing stronger.

  “Don’t, Takashi,” Keith whispers in a small voice, looking down and biting his lip a little. His voice reminds him a bit of when Keith told them all he wanted to leave Voltron a month ago.

  Shiro smiles stiffly, trying to push down his nerves. This conversation isn’t going how he expected, but he can still salvage it. He knows Keith better than anyone else, knows his morals and values and why he’s feeling this way. Of course. Keith doesn’t want them to stop fighting the Galra to help him become an adult again. Now that Shiro’s figured it out, it seems obvious. “Keith, I know the mission is important to you – “

  “No!” Keith cries as he throws his arms out, tears slowly sliding down his cheeks as he looks up at Shiro. “It is, but I’m no good.”

  “Keith?” Shiro asks in a tight voice, the nerves of a few seconds ago coming back twice as strong and making him numb instead. Everything is going differently than he expected, Keith is different than he expected. He doesn’t know this child, doesn’t know these fears or if they’re new to this baby or if his Keith had them too and Shiro just missed it. And if he missed that, what else did Shiro miss about his friend?

  “I’m not a good Blade or Paladin,” Keith tells him in a surprisingly steady voice for a toddler, even as the tears keep rolling down his face. It makes Shiro want to cry too and he hasn’t done that since he was six.  Keith takes a deep breath, clutching Red for comfort. Shiro wishes he had something to hold onto as well when Keith speaks, heart feeling like it’s shattering all over the nursery floor. “I don’t wanna be big again Shiro.”

  Shiro nods without looking at Keith. He doesn’t know when or how, but somehow, he failed him. And he doesn’t know how to fix it.


	3. Old Versus New

  Pidge is typing away a message to Ryner when Shiro storms into the castle, not stopping to look at any of them. His gaze is a tight glare, though it’s only directed forward, lips pressed into a thin line. It reminds her of the expression he made when Keith disappeared before he well, disappeared for good. Pidge feels her stomach drop, frowning tightly as she makes a decision, jumping up from the couch and wave her arm before he can walk past the sitting room. Shiro gives her a tight look, but does stop mid stride. Pidge lets out a small sight of relief, because not talking about their feelings hasn’t gotten them anywhere so far. And if even she’s noticed that, Shiro should have too.

  “Shiro, are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Pidge calls after a beat, because she should probably say something now that she’s made him stop. Lance follows her gaze, cocking his head a little bit as he raises an eyebrow. Pidge winces as Shiro walks toward them more slowly than usual, as though whatever’s bothering him is actually weighing him down. it’s been hard enough going to coalition events while looking for herbs, they don’t need any more problems.

  “Kind of the opposite,” Shiro says with a low sigh, shaking his head as presses one hand against the top of a couch. His gaze is distant as he stares past them and out the window, toward where the Blade’s base sits.

  “What does that mean?” Pidge asks, scrunching her eyebrows together as she leans towards Shiro, bumping his shoulder with her own as she kneels up on the couch. Shiro doesn’t even look at her, eyebrows sloping down as he keeps staring at the base. Where Keith is. Keith. Pidge blinks owlishly, because shouldn’t Shiro be happy? “Well, was Keith excited to hear about the lead? I don’t want to get his hopes up prematurely – “

  “He doesn’t want to change back,” Shiro admits in a harsh voice, his other hand slamming down onto the couch with a low thud. His face falls, mouth a tight frown and gaze heavy with guilt. Pidge watches as Hunk and Allura, who’d been playing with the mice, look over. Hunk’s expression is carefully blank as he continues to comb the mice, while Allura’s eyes are wide with shock, mouth twisting into a small ‘o’ of surprise. Lance’s the only one who doesn’t seem surprised, though his own fingers are digging into the arm of the couch tightly.

  Pidge blinks once and then twice, trying to process Shiro’s words, to find the hidden meaning behind them. He couldn’t possibly mean what she thinks he does. Pidge isn’t seeing any other options though. Finally, she sinks into the couch and stares at Shiro with a blank look. “What?”

  “Keith. He wants to stay a toddler,” Shiro answers her in a clipped voice, eyebrows pushing together as his fingers dig into the couch arm. Pidge cocks her head a little, peering at Shiro over her glasses with a slight frown. Keith, for better or for worse, has always been the most focused on the mission. Him wanting to stay a toddler makes no sense. “He said he was bad.”

  “Bad?” Pidge mutters as she wrinkles her nose, sliding one hand under her chin thoughtfully. She doesn’t know what that means, but then maybe neither does Keith right now. He _is_ a toddler after all, his reasoning skills are likely shot. He might remember fighting people and not the reason why he did. “Well, I mean … can you blame him? He’s a toddler, of course he doesn’t want to be a grown up.”

  “But if that’s what Keith wants, is it our place to change him back?” Lance asks in a small voice as he leans over the edge of the couch, tipping his head back as he stares at the ceiling. His eyebrows are sloped down, gaze heavy as he grimaces up at the ceiling and Pidge can’t help but feel bad for him. She knows he wants to do what’s best for Keith, she’s just worried he’s not thinking about the _right_ Keith.

  “What? Of course, it is! Keith is a toddler, he doesn’t know what he actually wants,” Pidge reminds him as she pokes Lance in the shoulder, raising an eyebrow as the boy slowly pulls his gaze down from the ceiling and to her determined expression. She tries to find the righteousness, the drive that Keith showed on his face during missions. Pidge knows she’s not close, but her glare is hot enough to make Lance wince and that’s enough for right now. “Do you really think our Keith would want to stay a toddler when he could be fighting for the cause?”

  “No, but is what Keith wants what’s best for him?” Shiro muses from behind her, voice tinged with a grief Pidge doesn’t understand. Pidge shoots around, mouth hanging open a bit as she stares at Shiro. she thought she had at least _one_ ally here. Shiro raises a hand up, giving her a small, almost sheepish grin as he shakes his head. “I’m not saying I don’t want to bring him back to normal, you know I do. I’m just concerned about some of the things he’s said leading up to this decision.”

  “Then wouldn’t it wise to share them with the team? Secrecy has yet to get us anywhere,” Allura points out as she stands up from the mice, smiling softly over at Shiro, gaze growing warmer as she starts to move toward him. Shiro glances around the room and shakes his head, shoulders stiff as he turns around and bolts out of the room, moving more swiftly than Pidge knew he could. 

  “Or not,” Pidge mumbles under her breath as she watches Shiro storm out of the room, the anger and guilt from a few minutes heavy in the tension of his frame. Something bad had happened and Pidge is going to find out what. “I’m going to see Keith tomorrow.”

  Allura gives her a slight nod, smile shakier as she sits back down next to Hunk. They go back to playing with the mice, clapping listlessly whenever they do a new trick. Lance is watching something on her phone, but his expression is so blank that Pidge doubts he’s taking anything in outside of white noise. Pidge wraps her arms around her chest, hating the uneasy silence that’s come over the room. She misses Keith with an urgency she hasn’t felt since the first day he left, the month he’s been gone and the week and a half he’s been a toddler.

  Pidge doesn’t expect that feeling to go away entirely when she walks into the Blade’s nursery the next day, but she does expect it to lessen. Instead the feeling only grows heavier, the knots in her stomach spreading up her chest as Keith toddles toward her. Keith’s hands are spread out to keep his balance, skin pale against his black onesie. She thinks the hood has cat ears, but it’s hard to tell from here since it’s hanging down his neck.

  “Pidge!” Keith calls excitedly as he toddles toward her, smile bright and excited. She can’t bring herself to move toward him, even though it strikes her that she probably should, being the one with longer legs now. She wonders if Coran thinks of her as number four now. She hasn’t had the heart to ask. Keith wraps his arm around her leg, staring up at her with the same wide, slightly gummy smile. “You came back.”

  “Of course I did, Keith,” Pidge tells him in a warm voice, kneeling down and ruffling his hair a little as she pushes her own feelings to the side. She might miss her Keith right now, but that’s no reason to take it out at _Keith_. Pidge smiles as Keith wraps his hand around two of her fingers and tugs her toward the play area. “Do you want to look at my robots? Maybe read a book together?”

  Keith looks serious for a moment, biting his lip as his gaze drops to the floor below. Pidge frowns gently as she watches Keith dig his toes into the rug, eyebrows scrunching together as he crosses his arms. Finally, he looks back up at her, expression heavy with anxiety and voice wavering even as he tries to sound excited. “I can look at the pictures!”

  “Keith?” Pidge asks as her frown deepens, just barely resisting the urge to pull Keith into her lap as he starts to tear up a bit. She doesn’t think Keith would appreciate that. Instead, Pidge ruffles his hair again, reaching her free hand over his head and toward a bookcase. Maybe if she shows Keith she doesn’t care that he wants to read alone, he’ll stop crying. Pidge doesn’t care; she’s the one who called him a loner. It’s not like she thought it’d be different just because he’s a baby.

  “I don’t know how to read yet,” Keith answers in a small voice just as Pidge’s hand brushes against one of the books on the shelf. Pidge pulls her hand back, eyes widening as she drops it to her side. She guesses she won’t need the universal translator Coran added on her phone after all. Suddenly Pidge understands what Keith meant about pictures. Keith bites his lip a little, gaze growing softer as he shakes his head a bit. “Or now.”

  “Oh, but you loved to read,” Pidge mutters with a quick nod, giving him a tight smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. Keith looks away and toward the pile of toys, but Pidge sees the tension in her shoulders, because it’s the same burning in her throat. Keith, just for a second, forgot he isn’t really 2. And if that’s already happening, how soon until he doesn’t remember being an adult or _them_ at all? “And you will again soon.”

  “Not soon, don’t even got the plant yet,” Keith reminds her with a small shrug as he picks up the stuffed Red, moving her arms back and forth in the air with a small whine. Pidge watches him and lets out a low exhale, deciding to take it as a good sign. Keith wouldn’t miss Red so much if he doesn’t want to come back to the team.

  “But we will soon,” Pidge says with a confidence she doesn’t actually have, smiling weakly at Keith. Keith lets go of her fingers, Red landing in his lap with a low thud as he eyes grow wide and a little scared. He shakes his head, balling his hands into tight fists. Pidge winces, eyebrows sloping down as she sees the fear in Keith’s gaze. That had to be a record for how quickly Pidge turned out to be wrong (not that it happened very often). “Keith … why don’t you want to go back to normal?”

  “I was bad,” Keith tells her weakly as he wraps his arms around Red, hugging her to his chest as he moves back toward the toy pile. He gazes up at her, tears in the corner of his eyes again. Pidge can’t believe she’s made Keith cry twice in one visit. She guesses she doesn’t have a future in babysitting. “Wanna be good.”

  “You weren’t bad,” Pidge insists heatedly, voice rising on the last word as she throws her own arms out in frustration. Keith starts crying in earnest then, tears sliding down his face as he hugs Red more tightly to his chest. He’s letting out small whimpers, trembling as Pidge pulls him into her arms this time. Pidge gently rubs Keith’s back as he balls his tiny hands into her sweatshirt, pressing his face against her shoulder. He fits in her lap so easily it almost shocks Pidge. After a few seconds, the tears start to fade until Keith pulls back, staring up at her with tear-stained, chubby cheeks.

  “Yelled a lot,” Keith whispers in a small voice, gazing down at Red as his eyebrows slope down again. He slowly pushes himself off of Pidge’s lap, standing on shaky legs as he holds his arms out again. Pidge winces as she watches Keith tumble to the floor, landing on the soft carpet with wide, surprised eyes. He really is bad at walking now. Keith bites his lips and takes a few deep breaths, glancing up at her with a small, proud smile when he doesn’t start crying again.

  “That doesn’t mean you were bad,” Pidge says in a reassuring voice, gazing down at Keith with a slow smile. She wants to remind him of all the times he thought for the people who needed them, how often he protected her during fights, how willing he is – was – to die for them. But Pidge doesn’t because Keith is too young to understand and she’s too afraid to find out if he remembers or not. “You were just … passionate.”

  Keith stares at her with wide eyes, cocking his head a little bit. After a second his expression grows more frustrated, tugging on the edge of Pidge’s sleeve. “I don’t know what that means.”

  “Oh,” Pidge whispers with a slight nod, trying to think of a different term for what she meant. One a baby might know. It’s hard, Pidge is the youngest of all her cousins and none of them have kids yet. Pidge wishes that Lance or Hunk were here now. They’d know what to say, they both have nieces and nephews and young cousins. “It – you were good, okay?”

  “Wanna play house?” Keith asks with a playful grin as he holds up a doll, gaze wide and innocent. Pidge can’t tell if he’s pretending not hear what she said or if already forgot what they were talking about. She guesses it doesn’t matter either way.

  “Okay, Keith,” Pidge answers with a weak smile of her own as she takes the doll. Keith starts acting out a story, something to do with Galra action figure riding Red to work at the bank. It’s adorable nonsense and Pidge thinks she’d probably think it were cute if Keith were a real toddler. Right now, though, she’s just scared that it won’t end mattering if they find the herbs or why Keith thinks he’s a bad person, because Keith won’t even be there by the time they do.

* * *

  The day after Pidge’s visit, Mylek is reading a book in the corner, rocking back and forth in her chair in a rhythm Keith finds soothing as he watches her. Keith kind of wants to ask her to read him a story, but Mylek used to get lots of free time before Keith got there and was too small to take care of himself. Keith takes a few shaky steps, frowning at how slow he is because he knows he used to be really, really fast! Keith balls one hand into a fist and goes to stomp his fist, only to lose his balance and fall. Again. Keith bites his lips and tries to push his tears away even though it really hurt, because he doesn’t want Mylek to be scared.

  Keith leans forward, going to stand when he sees that he’s on his hands and knees, and looks around the room to make sure that none of the big kids are back yet and that none of his friends are at the door. When Keith doesn’t see anyone he bites his lip, moving his right arm forward and his left leg, then he switches again and again until he’s crawled halfway across the room. He’s way faster at crawling than walking! He’ll get to the coloring table in no time. Keith smiles and lets out a small giggle, when the door swings open.

  “You’re crawling,” Axme says as her eyebrows go up in surprise, fluffy ears bending toward him. Her lessons are the shortest because she hasn’t started science yet. Keith lets out a small whine, as he leans back into a sitting position. Axme holds up both her hands, palms forward, and shakes her head softly. “Don’t get up, it’s good you are. You’re too little to walk everywhere.”

  “I’m not ‘posed to,” Keith cries even as he lets himself fall back into the crawling position from before, because at least it hides the tears in the corner of his eyes. He cries way too much now, lots of times every day. If Takashi knew, he’d be really disappointed in Keith. Keith crawls toward her, still pouting as he reaches the drawing table. He’s not too little to walk! “Crawling is for babies.”

  “You’re a baby,” Axme points out with a small shrug as he stands up by the art table, holding onto the side of it with his hands so he doesn’t fall over. His chin only reaches the edge. Axme lets out a small laugh before she pulls out one of the … baby chairs for him. “That’s why you don’t get to go to class with the rest of us.”

  “Nuh-uh,” Keith tells her as he climbs onto the chair. His feet don’t quite reach the floor, and he kicks them back in forth in the air as Mylek comes over to push him in a little. She walks away and Keith waits until he can’t see her anymore before he looks back at the table with a sad smile, his eyebrows sloping down as he grabs a handful of crayons. Axme frowns and gives him a curious look, scrunching her eyebrows together as Keith starts to draw a green blob that’s supposed to be Pidge. Keith looks up at her with a slight grimace. “It’s because I messed up.”

  Axme blinks owlishly as she grabs her own crayon and starts drawing a purple cat that Keith thinks is Zela. Keith smiles softly and giggles as Axme draws a bow on her mommy’s tail, because Zela would be really mad if anyone put a bow on her. Axme still looks confused through, gently patting him on the shoulder to grab his attention as Keith starts to get focused on his drawing. “What are you talking about?”

  “When I was a Paladin,” Keith answers her in a small voice as he trades the green crayon for the yellow and orange ones so he can draw Hunk. He moves Red over from his lap to the table, so she can see his drawing too. Axme watches him, the bemusement in her gaze giving away to something else as Keith bites his lip and glances down at the table, eyebrows sloping down. “I runned away a lot.”

  “Ran. And you ran away? No one would ever run away from being a paladin, it’s the coolest job in the universe,” Axme says confidently, putting her hands on her hips like she’s Shiro or Lance for a second, gaze determined as she stares over at the wall. She’d make a good paladin someday. Then she leans over and pokes him on the cheek gently, grinning as she raises an eyebrow. Keith scowls because he doesn’t know what’s funny about him not being a paladin. “But even if you did, why wouldn’t you go back _now_?”

  “Cause I a baby,” Keith mutters in a low voice, grip on the orange crayon growing a little tighter as he draws a circle over the yellow blob. It’s not the only answer but it’s a big one. Axme’s smile turned into a wide smirk, eyebrows wiggling a little as she adds a tinier purple cat next to her mom. Keith frowns over at Axme, narrowing his gaze until he’s pouting. His pout only gets bigger when he gets it, crossing his arms over his chest. “You tricked me!”

  “Did not, you said it,” Axme crows as she hands him a crayon, this time blue. She must have guessed he was drawing Voltron. Keith starts making a long blue noodle for Lance, but he can’t help grimacing as he looks down at his drawing. He misses them a bunch even though he’s seen all of them this week. It’s not the same as when he lived in the castle too. Axme wraps an arm around his shoulder, patting his back gently as she looks down on him. “But if you did … run away, I’m sure whoever you ran away from misses you.”

  “Nope,” Keith murmurs in a low voice as he adds tiny blue lines to the bottom of his Lance drawing, trying to make him stand out too. Maybe he should add Kalte- kalt – Lance’s pet cow. No one else in space has one of those. Keith glances up at her with a wistful smile, gaze heavy. Axme looks surprised, mouth opening a little as she stares back at him. “They’re a team without me.”

  Axme frowns as she pokes him on the shoulder again. Keith pouts at her, fingers running over his thumb because it kind of hurts. Axme is a lot bigger than him because she’s already five and he’s only 2 – 18. He’s 18. Axme, scrunches her eyebrows again as she goes back to her drawing. “Team? Didn’t you run away from home?”

  “Kinda,” Keith whispers instead of arguing he was a paladin again, ‘cause Axme isn’t gonna believe him anyway. And the castle was the closest thing to a home Keith’s had since he really was little. He stayed there longer than he stayed with any of his foster families. And then he messed everything up again because that’s what Keith always does.

  “Then that’s your family,” Axme tells him firmly as she starts drawing an even tinier cat person next to her and her mom, this time with a black crayon. This one has really fluffy hair like his and Keith is a little jealous she has a baby brother. Axme gives him a crooked smile. “And I bet once they can be with you safely, they’ll take you home.”

  “Gotta live here now,” Keith snaps, voice coming out high and tight as his eyes start to water again. The paladins know exactly where he is and they don’t want him back at all. Keith isn’t mad because he wouldn’t come and get himself either and you can’t have a … baby in the middle of the war, but he misses them a bunch. And he doesn’t think they’ll want him back even if they can make him big anyway.

  “Well then, you’re gonna come to school with the rest of us in a few years and learn how to fight and heal, and then you can be a Blade and protect the universe or become a doctor!” Axme insists as she waves her arms out, expression a little panicked as she sees the tears falling down his cheeks. He can’t even talk to (other) little kids without making people feel bad.

  “But I’m bad,” Keith mumbles as he grabs one of her sleeves, trying to calm her down. Axme is too nice to be sad for him. He gives her a serious look as he pulls her arm down. “I messed up.”

  “You can’t be bad, you’re a baby,” Axme snorts, arms dropping as she lets out a small chortle. Keith crosses his arms and pouts again, because Axme never gets it right. But then he looks down at his drawing, the crayon in his hand making a weird blobby pink shape for Allura. He can’t draw or read anymore or talk right, and he gets sillier every day. he crawled today and he’s gonna do it again because it’s so much faster. He … he really _is_ a baby.

  “Wasn’t a baby when I bad,” Keith explains in a small voice as he reaches for the black crayon, expression growing tight as he drops it just as quickly as his mind flashes back to the last time he piloted the Black Lion. He’ll make Shiro purple instead. It’s a better color anyway.

  “Well, you weren’t very old,” Axme tells him with a shrug as she grabs a blue crayon and starts drawing a tail. Keith bets that’s Tylo. Axme looks down at him with a soft smile, ruffling his hair with her other hand. “Besides, if your family is really good, they’ll forgive you as long as you apologize I bet. Mama always forgives me when I apologize.”

  “She does?” Keith asks, voice rising in surprise as he drops his crayon in the middle of drawing a giant square for Shiro’s chest. He can’t stop the small squeak of surprise or the way his eyebrows slope down as he goes over her words. He knows it’s true for lots of earth kids too, people like Lance and Hunk and all their friends at the Garrison Keith never got to know, but he just figured they were all good kids. “She don’t give you away?”

  “Of course not,” Axme answers with a giggle like he’s being silly as she starts adding trees and flowers to her drawing. Keith tries to focus on adding stick arms and legs to Shiro’s square but he can barely feel the crayon in his pudgy fist.

  “Oh,” Keith whispers softly, gaze growing heavier as he adds a few more lines. His mama and papa and foster mamas and papas all left him when he got too upset or mad or play wrestled or cried too much. Keith is a bad kid … but Axme says families are supposed to forgive you if you say sorry and Keith always said sorry to all his families and they always gave him away anyway.

  Except Voltron didn’t give him away. Keith left and he can’t stop crying into his drawing even as Axme hugs him from the side.  

* * *

Shiro takes a deep breath and steels himself as he walks toward the door of the nursery, Hunk a few feet behind adding a few last touches to the basket of cookies he brought for Keith and the other kids in the nursery. There was a reason he’s the most popular Paladin among kids everywhere. The fact that Shiro is number two is a bigger surprise, since he’s terrible with them. His attempts with Keith the last time he was here were proof enough of that. Not that Pidge’s last visit went better, but she’s almost a decade younger than him and she still didn’t make Keith not want to come back at all like his visit did and –

  He’s being ridiculous and self-pitying. Keith is a toddler and his best friend and while this situation is bad for Shiro, it’s far worse for Keith. He needs to keep that in mind this time and not let his emotions overwhelm him. _Patience yields focus_. He can only hope the mantra will work as well for himself as it used to for Keith.

  “Takashi!” Keith calls as Shiro gets to the doorway, waving his arms in the air. Today he’s wearing grey overalls and a purple and white striped shirt, and he almost looks like he could be back on earth. Shiro glances behind him to notice Hunk standing a few feet away, apparently deciding Shiro needs to have this reunion by himself. That’s probably fair, Shiro thinks to himself ruefully as he watches Keith sit up, Red in one hand. He expects Keith to grab the edge of the table and propel himself up, but instead he topples over the other way, hands flat on the ground. Shiro feels himself grow strangely cold as he watches Keith _crawl_ toward him, smile sweet and wide as he stares up at Shiro.

  “You’re … You’re looking good, Keith,” Shiro murmurs as he crouches down to the ground this time, just stopping himself from pointing out how bizarre this situation is. Instead he gives Keith a tight smile as he opens his arms for him, because that’s what you’re supposed to do for toddlers, right? “How’s Red?”

  “She not the real Red,” Keith sighs as he stares down at the cat, frowning softly as he suddenly holds her up to his ear. then he grins as he holds the cat out in front of Shiro, who has no idea what he’s supposed to do here. “But she’s good.”

  “Hey Keith, I brought you some cookies!” Hunk cries as he suddenly bursts into the room, apparently having decided that what he heard was awkward enough to give Shiro some kind of help. Shiro gives him a grateful smile, even as his own inadequacies eat away at him. He’s supposed to be Keith’s mentor and his best friend, a true leader, and he can’t even talk to him for a few seconds without making things uncomfortable. He’s starting to wonder if that started before Keith got turned into a toddler. Keith doesn’t seem to pick up on any of this, excitedly crawling towards Hunk and his cookies. “Oh wow, you’re super-fast now, huh?”

  Keith smiles as he reaches the other boy, hugging his leg tightly as he holds up one hand with Red dangling from it. Hunk grins and slides one of the cookies, soft and small into it. Keith’s eyes widen even more than a few moments before as he squeezes Hunk’s leg again. “Hunk!”

  “I can’t stay, got some stuff to take care of on Olkarian, but I wanted to stop in and see the smallest paladin,” Hunk says with a grin as he bends over and then picks Keith up like he’s an actual baby, holding him high in the air. Shiro stiffens a little at the sight, though not enough that either notice. Hunk hands Keith another cookie, who sticks it in his mouth just as his eyebrows slope down, the taste apparently not more powerful than whatever’s upsetting him.

  “Not a paladin,” Keith mutters in a small voice as he looks up at Hunk, biting his lip as his arms droop, grip on Red loosening. Hunk pulls him closer to him, so Keith has to grab onto one of his shoulders, some of the pain in his expression replaced with surprise. Hunk really is a lot better at this than him, Shiro muses with a wistful smile.

  “You are to me,” Hunk assures Keith, gaze growing more serious as he looks the younger boy in the eye, smile warm and open. Keith nods slowly, hugging Hunk’s neck a little tighter as the other man ruffles his hair. Then Hunk kneels down, carefully placing Keith back on the floor and giving his hair one last pat before he stands back up and inches toward the door.

  “Bye Hunk,” Keith cries as Hunk leaves, waving at him with his tiny arms as the other man walks down the hallway. He doesn’t crawl back to Shiro’s side until Hunk’s out of view, giving Shiro a small, nervous smile before slyly (for a toddler) glancing at the art table where Hunk left the rest of the cookies. Shiro wonders if he needs to keep Keith away from them, make sure he doesn’t eat too many. Shiro kneels back down next to Keith, smiling over at him as Keith rolls to his feet, reaching one hand out to Shiro. Looks like they were going to do some walking after all.

  “Do you want to play something?” Shiro asks in a gentle voice, eyebrows sliding down as he takes Keith’s hand. Keith walks him over to where the toys are, sitting down on the floor and holding Red up in the air again, whispering something to the doll. Shiro can’t tell if Keith thinks the doll can understand him or not, and he feels like that would be embarrassing to ask. Most of the questions he needs to gauge Keith’s mental age are, though.

  “Voltron!” Keith answers in a bright voice, giving Shiro a pleading look as he tugs on his hand. Shiro gives him a small grin and a slight nod, reaching over and grabbing the Black Lion doll. He blinks in surprise when Keith carefully lies down Red in his lap and reaches out for Green, awkwardly moving her legs across the floor and muttering numbers and ‘space’ every few seconds. Shiro doesn’t remember this mission, and while Keith and Pidge sneaking out to find space cryptids doesn’t seem entirely out of the realm of possibility, Shiro thinks they would have learned about it before now.

  Shiro raises an eyebrow as Keith suddenly crashes Green into a wall, fingers tightening against his thighs as he watches Keith do it twice. Had Pidge … no, Keith wouldn’t let Pidge sacrifice himself if he was there to do it. And also, Pidge is fine on the ship. But then what is this? “Keith, what are you doing?”

  “It’s Pidge at ice show,” Keith explains with a bright smile as he makes the Green Lion fall over and giggles, bright and high as he watches the Lion fall. Shiro lets out a low exhale, relief and bemusement filling him as Keith grabs the Yellow Lion and makes it look strong and proud. Keith glances up at Shiro and then down at the black plushie still sitting in his lap. “You wanna be you at it?”

  “That wasn’t … we’ve had a lot better missions, Keith,” Shiro murmurs as he grimaces a bit as he remembers their week promoting Voltron. It had made them more popular with the Coalition, but it had also turned them into as much propaganda as they are soldiers for the cause. His Keith would be so uncomfortable with all of it. A part of him worries about the long-term effects of that, but he can’t say no to the pleading look Keith’s giving him, lips jutting out as he holds up Green and Yellow. “Okay, okay, we can keep playing ice show. It’s kind of funny.”

  “What funny?” Keith mumbles as he lifts up Green again, following after Black as Shiro has the Lion move across the floor. He tries to move the doll with the same clumsiness Shiro had on the ice, smiling ruefully when Keith giggles as the Black Lion stumbles and falls to the ground. Keith looks up at him, eyebrows scrunched, and Shiro realizes that he hasn’t answered his question.

  “Well, if you were still older, you’d have hated the ice show,” Shiro tells him with a small laugh, ruffling Keith’s hair as he watches the other boy’s eyes go wide. Shiro supposes the idea of hating an ice show probably is unbelievable if you’re 2, or whatever age Keith is. He goes to move the Black Lion again, only to find Keith hugging the Red Lion to his chest, the other plushies suddenly tossed aside. Shiro thinks they’re done playing.

  “I’m sorry!” Keith cries as he looks up at Shiro with watery eyes, voice wavering as he hugs Red tighter to his chest. He scoots away from Shiro on the carpet.

  Shiro winces as he leans forward, trying to make himself smaller even as he naturally looms over Keith. He did when Keith was still an adult, let alone now. Maybe he should lie down? Shiro moves toward him, gently laying half his hand over Keith’s shoulder. “Keith?”

  “I ranned away to the Blade ‘cause I was bad,” Keith says as in a voice far too pained for a child so young, voice bordering on a whine as he curls into himself. The repetition of ‘bad’ to him, to Pidge, to Lance worries Shiro. he doesn’t know what the words would be if Keith was still himself, but there is a clear message that somewhere along the way Keith stopped believing in himself, not just his leadership skills. And Shiro didn’t notice. Then his next words make Shiro’s heart shatter in his chest, face falling. “I knewed I’d hurt you.”

  “Keith, you weren’t going to hurt anyone. You’re not going to hurt anyone,” Shiro assures him in a soft voice as he pulls Keith closer to him, letting the other boy crawl into his lap and curl against his chest. Shiro brushes a hand over the top of his head, wondering when Keith became so afraid of himself. Or maybe that predates Shiro and all of this. He knows Keith better than anyone, and there are still so many parts of the story he’s missing.

  “Lance better,” Keith tells him with a shrug as he curls into him more, letting out a small yawn. Shiro isn’t sure if he’s tired from crying or because it’s almost time for his nap.

  “What?” Shiro asks after a beat, blinking owlishly as what Keith actually said hits him. There were a lot of problems Shiro anticipated, but Keith’s and Lance’s seemingly dead rivalry wasn’t one of them. Had Keith been jealous of how Lance bonded with Red or did he think Lance and Red flew better together? But Keith’s leadership issues have nothing to do with flying and as far as Shiro knows the Black Lion – this is about Red.

  Keith hugs himself and Red more tightly, and Shiro’s stomach sinks as his theory is confirmed and he feels like an idiot. Keith missed his Lion. Of course he did, Red is the only … thing who’s ever chosen Keith of their own free will. Even he was assigned to be his mentor by the Garrison. And Shiro never even tried to reassure Keith about any of it. Keith shrugs a little, hugging Red again as he kicks up his legs. “Five lions and …” “Too many people. Someone gonna leave. Lance better.”

  “It isn’t an either and or situation,” Shiro corrects him gently as the second half of the issue becomes clear. Keith and Lance talked about this and decided, even if they didn’t know the other decided the same thing, there couldn’t be six paladins or shared Lions. But having six paladins opened up a world of possibilities in terms of missions and protecting the Castle. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing. “No one needed to leave.”

  “Too late,” Keith points out as he gestures around the room, and Shiro’s gaze goes blank as he takes in the nursery they’re in and looks down at the yawning toddler in his lap. Shiro takes a deep breath. Keith has a point. They’ve only found one herb of the six they need to make a cure they don’t even know will work. There’s every chance that Keith is going to be stuck like this, that he’ll slowly forget this life and grow up again, become a different Keith that Shiro doesn’t know.

  But Shiro isn’t going to let that happen. His Keith, loyal and compassionate and dedicated and hotheaded, deserves to be a paladin, to have a family. As Shiro walks back onto the castle after putting Keith into his crib (Lance told him not to call it that, but Keith isn’t entirely sure why), he knows he needs do a little better. Not just for Keith, but for all of Voltron. The mission and coalition are important, but so is the team. Shiro walks into Lance’s room without knocking, the other boy looking up from his video game with wide eyes.

  “Lance, can I talk to you for a minute?” Shiro asks in a warm voice, eyebrows pressing together as he balls his hands into fists. This is going to be a hard conversation no matter how he looks at it. Lance gives a quick nod, rolling to his feet as he stares back at Shiro with a tight frown, seeming to realize this conversation is a serious one. Shiro lets out a low exhale. “Did you … did you think someone needed to leave too?”

  Lance bites his lip, gaze dropping to the floor as his eyebrows slope down, shoulders growing tense. It’s honestly all the answer Shiro needs and suddenly the weak spots in his leadership feel glaring. “We have five lions – “

  “Which means there would always be someone here to pilot and someone else to take on other missions or coalition events and meetings,” Shiro tells him firm voice, fists slowly relaxing as he focuses on the future even as the present needs to be fixed. With six paladins, or maybe even seven if it turns out that Matt can pilot Green as well, they’ll be able to do so much for the cause as a team. “There’s strength in numbers. No one was expendable. You’re not any more than Keith is.”

  Lance nods, wincing a little as he glances up at Shiro, gaze heavy with doubt. Shiro can see all the objections, some probably rational because Lance is smart, some fueled by the insecurities Shiro’s only known he has for about an hour. “Thanks, Shiro, but – “

  “None. I should have made that clearer to all of you. But we can fix this, once we fix Keith,” Shiro says with a small smile, resting one hand on Lance’s shoulder, smile growing wider as Lance returns it with a small one of his own, nodding quickly. Shiro takes a step back, turning on his comm as he moves into the hallway. “Voltron, we’re going to Olkarian. We have some herbs we need to find.”  

 


	4. Courage to Grow

  Allura walks into the nursey, trying to concentrate on the news she has for Keith rather than on the strangeness of being in the headquarters of the Blade. Her relationship with them has always been ... complicated, to say the least, and maybe even more so since Keith left the team for their ranks. It’s unfair, she knows so she tries to swallow the feeling.

  But she misses Keith. Her friends, the people she can consider a makeshift family of sorts are small. Allura doesn’t need their ranks growing any smaller. That’s why Allura needs to get Keith back to himself, she reminds herself as she smiles softly, watching as Keith crawls over to her.

  “Keith, it is so good to see you, I suspect your training with the Blade is going well?’” Allura calls as she walks into the nursey, biting back a sigh of relief when she sees Keith is the only child in the room. Allura doesn’t handle children well, something that has become increasingly clear since they started doing promotional appearances for the coalition. Allura tries very hard, but she has no idea to connect with children the way Lance and Hunk or even Pidge do. Luckily for her, her character _is_ to be awkward and grumpy, but that doesn’t work in the Blade’s nursery. Keith holds up his paper in her face. “Ah, I see you’ve drawn a picture of all the lions, how lovely!”

  “I’m gonna draw you in Blue too,” Keith tells her with a wide grin, one hand holding crayons and the other a brightly colored plastic ring. Allura watches as Keith sticks the plastic ring in his mouth, chewing on it for a few moments as he puts his crayons down for a moment. Allura swallows a bit, because that seems like a … further progression into the toddler mindset than where Keith was the last time she visited with Coran. That is troubling.

  “Why, thank you, Keith this is very kind,” Allura answers him with a small smile as she kneels down on the ground next to him. Lance and Hunk told her that made children more comfortable. Keith picks up a crayon and starts drawing a blob Allura decides is her. Allura gives him a small smile, one hand resting on his head for a moment. “I wanted to inform you that we have found three of the six herbs necessary to undo the venom’s affects, with a good lead on two more. You should be back to yourself in no time.”

  “Do you wanna play Voltron?” Keith asks as he bites his lip, gaze turning away from her and to the stuffed animal in the chair next to him. Allura looks down to find a small Red next to him, and bites back a slight sigh. Allura supposes he misses his lion. Still, they need to have this conversation. Keith’s entire future depends on this plant. Playing can come later. “I’m Red always, but you can be Red if you wanna because I knowed you wanted to fly her too.”

  “Oh, thank you, Keith, but I really do think we should stay focused on the matter at hand,” Allura murmurs in what she hopes is a gentle tone, eyebrows sliding to the side as she speaks. She knows that Keith is trying to be kind, but there is still a slight sting with the fact that Red rejected her when she so readily accepted Keith and then Lance after. But that isn’t what today is about. Today is about getting Keith back to himself, for the mission, but also for all of them. When Allura looks at him now, she can’t help but feel a little sad. Allura can see her friend there, but at the same time he’s not Keith.

  “You don’t wanna play with me?” Keith asks in a small voice, lower lip jutting out as he hugs Red to his chest. He’s blinking rapidly and – oh. He’s going to cry. Allura is not prepared to handle this situation.

  Allura winces, shaking her head as she reaches a hand around Keith to grab the Blue Lion. She can do this. All she has to do is play act for a few minutes, just like she did at the Ice Show. That was … not her most successful endeavor, but she managed it. this should be even simpler. After all, she’s only has to play with Keith this time, and he is very small right now. Surely his imagination isn’t too advanced, right? “No, of course I do! We can talk about the herbs while we play. That’s quite right.”

  “Let’s do the ice show!” Keith cries as he swoops Red through the air, gaze bright and excited in a way it rarely was when he was older. Allura frowns tightly at that, gaze shooting away from Keith and down to the ground. She wonders if Keith was ever really happy, being a paladin. Suddenly Keith tugs on her sleep, eyes wide as he stares up at her. “No, don’t be sad, you were a better Keith!”

  “Well, I wouldn’t say that was true, but I’ll admit the circumstances did allow me to tap into a certain level of grumpiness I normally can’t,” Allura murmurs, letting out a small laugh, bringing up one hand to her face to rest across her mouth. Keith starts giggling too after a second, flying Red through the air again and bumping Blue slightly until Allura bumps him back with the doll.

  “When I get big enough to go to school with the other kids, I’m gonna make them do a Voltron play too,” Keith says insistently, glaring across the room at a door for a moment, like it was the only thing keeping him from doing the play. Allura frowns over at him, trying to keep her expression matching to his, even as she internally only feels relief. This is the first hint she’s gotten that Keith might miss being an adult after all.

  “Keith, I promise you we will find those last three herbs long before that is ever necessary,” Allura tells him in a determined voice, narrowing her gaze as she flies Blue toward him languidly. Keith stares over at her, cocking his head to the side as he brings his ring to his mouth again. “Keith, I understand if you are frightened about returning to adulthood, but it is necessary for the mission. I thought you would understand that more than anyone. The Blade of Marmora, the coalition, Voltron, we all need you. You are an essential part of the war effort, and without you, our chances and our hopes only grow dimmer.”

  “Nuh-uh,” Keith mumbles over the ring as he stares down at Red, her movements slowly stopping in the air. He brings the stuffed animal to his lap as he takes the ring out, biting his lip a bit. “Not a part of Voltron anymore.”

  “In my eyes, and the eyes of the others, you very much still are a part of the team,” Allura informs him in a clipped voice, grip on Blue tightening slightly. She doesn’t mean to get annoyed, she knows that Keith’s understanding of this situation must be … limited at best. But her mind can’t help but go back to the conversation they had on the ship before Keith left them for good. no one wanted him to go, sometimes, Allura suspects, even Keith. “In fact, we were hoping, after this is over, that you would come back with us to the castle.”

  “No, I can’t, I gotta stay here now,” Keith says with a small sigh, shaking his head so some of his hair falls across his face. This moment looks more like the Keith that Allura knows and that gives her hope. Allura gives him a weak smile, not able to keep the confusion out of her gaze as she watches him. Allura can’t tell if Keith wants to stay here or come back to the castle, which makes it hard to know how to direct this conversation. “There’s no more lions, Allura.”

  Allura raises an eyebrow, smirking slightly as she takes in his words, because that is a problem she does have a solution for. If that is the only thing making Keith so nervous and sullen about coming back to the castle or not staying a toddler, well then everything is fine. “Shiro and I and the others have been discussing that very issue, and I know that both Shiro and Lance would be willing to share Black and Red on occasion, which would also allow you to continue your operations with the Blade and affording them much needed rest.”

  “No!” Keith cries as he pulls back from her, hugging Red to his chest as he softly glares over at her. Allura blinks owlishly, shaking her head a bit as Keith inches backwards on the rug. She doesn’t understand what she did wrong this time. “Don’t wanna take Red away and I don’t want Black! You don’t gotta feel bad for me, I okay.”

  “No one feels sorry for you, Keith,” Allura promises him as she closes her eyes for a moment, fighting to keep the annoyance out of her voice. Allura knows that isn’t strictly true; knowing how little Keith thinks of himself as a person, how … torn he was between Voltron and the Blade. There are many complications here, but more than anything, and maybe selfishly, Allura wants Keith to be with them on the ship. He is their friend. “We all want you to come home, as yourself. Your value to the fight against the Galra cannot be overstated. And more importantly, neither can your value to us. We need _you_ , Keith.”

  “But I …” Keith trails off, voice growing slightly watery as he bites his lip again. Allura bites back a cry of her own, frustration growing in the pit of her stomach. How does she keep handling this wrong? She knows that she and the real Keith were often … well, they were usually on the same page in a sense, but not for the same reasons and not with the same methods of how to make that page into a novel. But all she does is make this Keith cry. She’s not even this bad with the children at the coalition events. “I messed up lots.”

  “Yes, on occasion, that is true. But you’re also the reason all of us our still alive,” Allura points out, shaking her head a bit as she takes in Keith’s words. Has he forgotten all of those times? Does he only remember the bad times? Is that part of the effects of the venom? She wishes she understood more about this. “And I have made mistakes as well. So, have Lance and Shiro and Pidge. All of us can learn and grow from those mistakes to become better paladins and -”

  “Not a paladin and I didn’t growed, I got smaller,” Keith says as he points at himself, small tears building in the corner of his eyes. He shakes his hands in the air, forming tiny fists he pounds into the ground for a moment as the tears slide down his face. Allura believes this is what they call a tantrum. “I only did more bad things because I’m not good.”

  “That isn’t true! You were – are – a good person, if exceedingly stubborn,” Allura promises him as she reaches a hand out toward him, only to pull it back at the last second. She doesn’t know if this Keith would appreciate a hug right now or not, but she knows their Keith would not, and that is what she has to go by. “I know all of this must be hard to understand right now, but please understand that you are very much needed and wanted, both for the war effort and for, for us. We may not be the most conventional family, but we are one.”

  “I like you all lots too,” Keith mumbles shyly, glancing down at the floor and then back up at her. Then he says something that breaks Allura’s heart and gives her a new hope at the same time. “I miss you.”

  “We miss you as well, Keith,” Allura promises as she pats him on the shoulder, smiling weakly as Keith stares up at her. She can’t tell if he believes her or not, though he hugs Red to his chest and looks down at her with a small, watery smile. Allura knows that they need to fix this now more than ever. For the mission and for Voltron, but also for Keith. Allura fears that the longer they leave him in this state, the harder it will be to get their own Keith back in any form. But to do that, she needs to focus on finding the herbs. Allura rolls to her feet suddenly, Keith falling back a little. “I’ll see you soon, all right?”

  “Okay!” Keith calls as he waves with one hand, the other still wrapped around Red. Allura walks toward the door, giving one last smile to Keith before she reaches for the handle. Mark her words, Allura will find the rest of the herbs by the next quarter. Keith will be a paladin again.

* * *

  A few days after Allura leaves, Keith crawls over to Axme’s side while she’s coloring, grinning brightly when she hands him a handful of crayons. He’ll miss her when he’s big again. If he’s big again. He knows Allura and Pidge and Takashi all said big him was – is a good person, but Keith knows he thought he was a bad person or that he could become a bad guy if he wasn’t careful. And he knows himself better than them, right? But he’s also … little right now, and he needs advice from someone older and smarter than him. Axme is both those things!

  “Axme, can bad guys turn into good guys?” Keith asks as he hands her an orange crayon, taking the pink from her hand so he can draw Allura. He bites his lip as he draws a few lines, frowning when they’re not quite straight enough.

  None of his drawings are as good as when he was big, he doesn’t think. Keith has a hard time telling sometimes, and he’s pretty sure that means his brain is getting littler too. He needs to figure out if he wants to be a grown up again or not fast.

  “What, like in the comics? No, I don’t think so, only in books and TV and stuff,” Axme tells him as she glances at him out of the corner of his eye, her long braid swishing back and forth as she shakes her head. her gaze is very serious as she draws an orange blob over her and her mom. Keith wonders if it’s a cloud and if there’s a planet near here where the clouds are orange, and why they’ve never gone there before. “No one from the Galra empire’s ever switched sides before, you know.”

  Keith’s attention snaps back to the matter at hand, heart dropping as her words sink in. Keith bites his lips, grip on his crayon growing tighter as he furiously draws Allura’s helmet. “Not even one?”

  “No, but mama says some people have left the Blade to join the empire before, and they weren’t even spies!” Axme whispers to him, eyes wide like she’s sharing a big secret. Keith’s eyes widen a bit because he knows his mama was a Blade and Kolivan won’t tell him where she went and does that mean … could she have been one of those bad Galra? Keith shakes his head, eyes still wide as Axme just nods furiously in response to him. “So good guys can become bad guys.”

  “Why’d they left?” Keith murmurs as he scrunches his eyebrows together, cocking his head to the right without looking up from his drawing. He doesn’t want Axme to see the fear in his eyes, because she’s his friend and he doesn’t want her to know he could become a bad guy too. If his mom maybe did, and well, Keith is so emotional and impulsive and makes dumb choices all the time. That’s probably how good guys become bad guys, right?

  “Nobody knows, but some people think it was because they had family there or boyfriends or girlfriends,” Axme mutters as she adds another orange cat to the corner of her drawing, lips curling a bit. Keith mimics her, because he wonders if that is something he’d do. He’s never had a family or a boyfriend or a girlfriend before. If he got any of those, would he do the same thing to save them? Would he put them before helping everyone? Keith kind of did that with Takashi, didn’t he? Or when he ranned away. Maybe he’s already that bad. “Love is icky, Keith.”

  “Yeah,” Keith mutters in a low voice as he draws one last pink circle, trying to show Allura’s magic. he doesn’t wanna be a bad guy like Zarkon. He wants to be like Takashi and Lance and Allura. But Keith doesn’t know if he can do that and be the Keith they want, because he left. 

*****

  A few days after his talk with Axme, Keith decides he needs to talk to an adult. After all, even if Axme is the smartest kid in the nursery, she’s still a kid and she don’t know how adults work. Maybe it’s not as simple as he thinks, maybe some people are good and bad at the same time or go back and forth because, well, he doesn’t know why. But Kolivan might.

  So when Kolivan stops in for his weekly check, Keith walks across the nursery and reaches a hand out and grabs the bottom of Kolivan’s coat and tugs a little too hard. “Kolivan, can I ask you somethin’?”

  “What is it, kit?” Kolivan asks in an indifferent voice, though his gaze is warm as it flickers over to Keith. Keith smiles up at him, gigging proudly because most of the time when people ask Kolivan questions he says no, but he didn’t say no to Keith, because he’s his favorite. That’s what that means. “Are you not going to try and object this time, Keith?”

  “I don’t knowed what that means,” Keith tells him with a slight huff, pouting and kicking the ground with his right foot. Keith knows he used to know what that meant, what every word every adult said to him. Now he only gets half of them if he’s lucky, and even less with Kolivan. Though some of them are alien words too. Keith shakes his head, trying to get himself to focus. This is important. Keith looks up at Kolivan, biting his lip as he clings to the edge of his jacket. “Do you think … do you think bad guys can become good guys? Or if somebody was good but then is bad they can be good?”

  “What are you talking about, Kit?” Kolivan says in a tighter voice than before, kneeling down so he and Keith are … well, eye to knees. Kolivan is really, really tall and Keith is small for his age. Or he might not be, he doesn’t know how tall half Galra kids are supposed to be. Keith looks up at Kolivan, cocking his head to the side and then looks at the ground when he sees annoyance flicker across Kolivan’s face. Kolivan is scary when he’s mad. “Are you thinking about Lotor? I don’t know what the paladins’ interactions with him have been like, but it’s best not to concern yourself with him. He is not a part of our mission and not yet an element we can trust.”

  “No, he’s a big meanie and I don’t like his hair,” Keith cries as in a loud voice, shaking his head back and forth because he doesn’t like Lotor at all. Kolivan’s eye widen just a hair, and then he smiles, small and crooked. It reminds Keith of his own smile, back when he was big. Keith takes a deep breath, grabbing Kolivan’s coat with his other hand as he stares up at him, gaze wavering a bit. Because that still doesn’t answer his question. “But not all bad guys are Lotor. Some of them are just dumb or scared!”

  “Ignorance and fear are no excuse, young one,” Kolivan says as he pats him on the shoulder, touch somehow friendly and perfunctory at the same time. Then he walks away from him and told Mylek, leaving Keith to fall to his hands and knees and crawl toward the coloring table. Keith knows Kolivan is right, but he doesn’t know if he’s brave enough to stand up to those things either. Not like he is. Not like he was.

***** 

  Keith is still thinking about what Axme and Kolivan told him a few days later when Hunk and Lance burst into the nursery, bright smiles on their face and another box of cookies in Hunk’s arms. They visit him a lot. Keith wonders if they’ll keep doing that if he doesn’t get bigger again, or if after a while they’ll forget about him. If he’ll forget them and Shiro and everyone else.

  Keith crawls over to them, letting out small, huffy breaths as he tries not to cry at the thought. He doesn’t want to be bad or turn out like the bad blades, but he doesn’t want to lose all his friends either.

  “Hey buddy, what’s with the long face? Normally you’re more excited when Hunk and I come in here with cookies,” Lance tells him as he kneels down next to him, elbows resting on his long legs. Keith stares back at him and pouts a little, eyebrows drawn in as he crawls over to Lance’s side. Then he rolls back into a sitting position, staring up at Lance and Hunk with a wobbly smile that fades back into a grimace only seconds later. He’s been in a bad mood ever since he talked to Kolivan, but he can’t tell Lance and Hunk that. It would make them sad.

  “I’m happy about cookies,” Keith promises as he takes one from Hunk, giving him a small smile that lasts a little longer than the one before, but not long enough to keep Hunk from frowning tightly, eyebrows drawing in. Keith slumps a little, holding up Red to both their faces and trying to give them his most serious look so they’ll know they should leave him alone because he’s going to get scary. It always worked when he was big. “But I don’t wanna play today. I’m coloring my feelings.”

  “Wow, the emo starts so young in you,” Lance teases him with a small chuckle, ruffling his hair until Keith starts giggling. Some of his sadness fades away as he chews on his cookie, grip on Red loosening between bites and giggles. Hunk leans over and hands him another cookie while also gently poking him in the cheek, and Keith smiles up at him. Everything is good, but then Lance’s voice grows a bit softer, gaze a bit anxious and Keith knows things are about to get bad again. “But hey we, got some good news for you, we found the last herb. It took three planets and me sitting on Hunk’s shoulder while I pulled it off of an alien horse’s back, but we got it. Soon you’re going to be big again!”

  “But – I’m not ready yet,” Keith mutters in a tight voice and he can hear the tears in his own voice, even as he tries to cover his face with his hands.

  He doesn’t wanna look like a baby in front of Lance and Hunk, but he hasn’t figured out if he’s good when he’s big. If he’s not, he’s gotta stay little so he can become a new Keith who is. But he needs more time to know.

  “Hey, hey, there buddy, whatever it is you wanted to do, I’m sure you can still do it when your big,” Hunk calls before he pulls him into a tight hug. Keith swallows deeply, wondering if he should tell Hunk and Lance about his fears, ask them if they he think was or was going to be bad, before. But that’s not fair. They have so many things to worry about and they’re already visiting Keith even though he’s not even a paladin anymore. After a moment Lance pats him on the back too, his other hand coming up to ruffle his hair. “And you know, all of us are going to be there to help you with it, right? We’ve got your back.”

  “Thank you, Hunk and Lance,” Keith mumbles as he pulls away from the hug, giving them a crooked smile he doesn’t feel. They start coloring after that. This time Keith doesn’t draw lions.

* * *

  Three weeks after he vowed to find all of the different herbs necessary to bring Keith back to himself, Shiro and the others have done it. Shiro knows things will be different when they get Keith back to himself, better. They’re figure out how to navigate having one more paladin than Lion, and they’ll talk things out more. Everything will be fine. Shiro has to believe that as he walks into the Blade lab and sees Keith sitting on the floor in his flight suit, chosen because it should expand with him. Shiro takes a deep breath and waves at Keith.

  “Takashi!” Keith cries as he starts crawling towards Takashi, moving at a speed Shiro has to admit is pretty impressive for a toddler. Shiro kneels down right away, lowering his head so he can almost look Keith in the eye. Keith smiles up at him and waves his hand back and forth, though Shiro can’t tell if that’s from excitement or because he’s trying to say hello to all five of them at once. Matt and Coran are back on the ship, keeping watch in case there’s an attack and they all need to get back to their lions. Everything is planned for, except telling Keith what’s about to happen.

  “Hey Keith, it’s good to see you, I’m sorry it’s been two weeks, but we’ve been working hard with the coalition and to find what we needed to fix this,” Shiro tells him with a quick smile, resting a hand on his head. Keith laughs a little, though there’s a hint of nervousness to it that doesn’t sound right coming from a toddler. But then Keith isn’t actually 2 and a half or 3 years older either. Keith wobbles towards him, hugging his arm for a few seconds before he sits down on the floor in front of him.

  Keith stares up at him with wide eyes, mouth hanging open slightly as he hugs Red. He looks confused, and Shiro’s gaze grows a little softer, because right, in some ways Keith is a 2-year-old and he probably doesn’t understand what’s happening right now. Shiro guesses it’s his job to explain. “Do you wanna color with me? I knowed you don’t like coloring as much as me, but I got a new black crayon!”

  “That’s great Keith, but we don’t have time to color,” Shiro tells him trying to keep his voice as warm as possible, even as his gaze grows tighter. He doesn’t like saying no to Keith when he’s like this, but he also needs Keith not to be like this anymore. They all do. “I know this is hard to understand, but we need to focus on making sure we have this elixir right before we give it to you.”

  “Is it gonna taste bad?” Keith asks as he frowns tightly, staring at the liquid with suspicion. Shiro can’t blame him. It’s a strange mixture of lilac and moss green, bubbles floating at the top, and that’s before they’ve added all of the ingredients. Keith’s a bit picky as an adult, and Shiro has to imagine that space food has only been harder on him now that he’s only a toddler.

  “Probably,” Lance says as he kneels down next to Keith, shrugging his shoulders in an exaggerated way as he grins over at Keith. Shiro shoots him a quick glare, because they don’t need to make this any harder for Keith than it already is. Now isn’t the time for stress. Not when Voltron’s future, Keith’s future depends on them getting this right. Lance just shakes his head, poking Keith in the cheek until Keith starts giggling a little. “What? It’s worse to lie to little kids, trust me Shiro, I actually have more experience here than you.”

 “I know,” Shiro admits with a low sigh as he rolls to his feet, taking a few steps away from Lance to where the others are mixing the las of the herbs into the potion. He knows it’s better to let Lance explain things to Keith, as much as it hurts him to admit it.

  “Okay, don’t add to much of that Pidge, we don’t want him to be like, 30,” Hunk points out in a nervous voice as he carefully messes the white plant in his own hand. Shiro comes over and takes out a few of the slices of white Baizan root from Pidge’s hand and sets them aside on the table. Shiro gives her a quick grin, but he knows it doesn’t reach his eyes from the way she takes a subtle step back and pouts at him. Shiro’s smile becomes more apologetic, eyebrows sloping to the side as Pidge gives him an understanding nod. He’s just nervous. He doesn’t want to hutter Keith.

  “Why not, he’d probably be a lot calmer,” Lance quips as he shows Keith a few photos of the flowers, while Keith sticks his tongue out at him. Shiro shakes his head, gaze severe because that isn’t funny. Not right now. Lance’s smile grows a bit more wistful, one hand softly ruffling Keith’s hair as he looks back up at them. “I’m joking, look, I want Keith back to normal as much as the rest of you. I miss having someone to race with and tease, Shiro’s no fun for that.”

  “Yeah, I miss him too,” Pidge murmurs with a small, fond smile as she glances over at Keith. Keith is looking over at them all now, biting his lip a little as he pushes himself up to a wobbly standing position. Pidge mixes the root into the potion hurriedly, smiling when a thin line of red shows up between the green and purple. “Here, I think we’ve pretty much got it made, we got to have Keith drink it and Allura throw some magic at it.”

  “No!” Keith cries as he takes a few steps back from them, stumbling slightly as he loses his balance. Lance manages to catch him with one hand before he falls over, gently pushing him upright again as he looks over at Shiro with a slight frown. Shiro returns it as he walks over to them and kneels down in front of Keith, who wobbles towards him again, arms stuck by his sides as he looks up at him with watery eyes. Shiro is not ready to handle this at all. “What if I get broked?”

  “Hey, Keith, I know you’re scared, but we’re all going to be here every step of the way,” Shiro promises as he reaches a hand out to steady Keith, smiling softly at the boy. Keith gives him a watery one in return as he takes a few steps toward Shiro, before launching himself at his leg, only to stop short of hugging it.

  “Will you hold my hand?” Keith asks in a small voice as he reaches his left hand out towards Shiro, gaze tight and unsure. Shiro swallows and swiftly turns his gaze over to Allura, who shakes her head and mouths ‘no’ at him while holding up a hand that’s glowing a soft pink. Damn.

  Shiro slowly turns his head back to Keith, with tears streaming down his round face and whose giant eyes are watching him with so much hope. And Shiro is going to have to disappoint him. He knows it will be fine in a few minutes, but it’s still hard.

  “I wish I could, but I can’t touch you while Allura is doing the spell because then it could affect both of us,” Shiro explains softly, looking down with a slight wince. Keith hugs his leg for a second, squeezing tightly as though he thinks if he hugs him hard enough, Shiro will change his mind. But then he lets go, gaze growing determined as he glares over at the potion like it’s an enemy to defeat. It’s so much like Shiro’s Keith that he wants to cry, but he manages to keep his voice steady. “But I’ll be right in front of you the whole time, okay, buddy?”

  “Okay, can I hold Red at least?” Keith asks as he grip grows tighter on the small stuffed animal in his hands. Shiro glances over at Allura who gives a quick nod, taking a few steps toward them with a reassuring smile. The pink glow is up to her elbows now.

  “Sure thing,” Shiro tells him as he gives Keith one last pat on the head, trying to keep his smile light in spite of his nerves. Keith grins over at him and takes a few wobbly steps forward, stumbling a bit here and there.

   Shiro frowns tightly and then leans over and picks Keith up, gently putting him down on the makeshift podium the Blade lent them for the spell. Shiro hands Keith the drink, sliding the straw into his mouth and smiling softly when Keith starts sipping and keeps going even as his eyes crinkle in disgust. He guesses it did taste bad after all.

  Shiro walks across the room to stand with the others after that, watching as Keith hugs Red tightly to his chest as he stares at Allura’s arms with wide eyes. Shiro wonders how much, if any, Keith will remember of this when he’s himself again.

  “All right, please stay as still as possible, Keith,” Allura calls with a warm smile as she stands a few feet away from where he’s now sitting on the white block, energy coursing between her finger tips. She brushes her hands over his forehead, chanting something in Altean. Keith is surrounded by the pink light as it flows off Allura, wrapped in it as he finishes the last few sips of his juice. The glow is so bright that Shiro can see Lance and Pidge shielding their eyes, Hunk having closed his entirely. Eventually the pink quintessence fades away until they can all see Keith sitting there.

  He’s still three years old, tears sliding down his cheeks as he hugs Red.

  Shiro sucks in air he feels like choking on, wanting more than anything to lock himself in a room and scream and punch things until his frustration is anywhere near manageable. But no, he has to be the leader here. The team needs him. _Keith_ needs him. “It didn’t work, this time. I’m so sorry, Keith, we made enough of the elixir for several tries. Do you want go right away again?”

  “No, I wanna color,” Keith mumbles softly as he takes a few wobbly steps off of the podium, falling to his hands and knees as he crawls toward the door. Shiro swallows deeply but eventually gives in with a slow nod, because he has to do right by Keith, even if that means waiting until another day to try this again. Mylek, the nursery caretaker, picks him and carries him to the corner of the room, murmuring something about getting him out of the flight suit and into his play clothes. Keith still needs play clothes.

  “It won’t work, Shiro,” Lance says in a low voice, gaze narrowing as he stares over at Keith with a pained expression. Shiro turns around to face Lance, biting his lip as he gives him a questioning look, one eyebrow raised even as his jaw tightens again, and Shiro knows it will be sore in the morning. “The problem isn’t that we did something, the problem is that Keith doesn’t want to grow up again.”

  Shiro glances over at Keith, tears drying on his cheek as he hugs his stuffed animal to his chest, and wonders if that’s something he can even fix, or if they were too late after all.


	5. Growing Up

  No one visits Keith for three days after the potion fails and sometimes he worries maybe they’ll never come to visit him again. It was the other Keith they wanted, the one who can help. Not him, a baby with no lions and no sword. But other people could sword fight anyway, so it’s not like Keith was important before. He was just a brat with a sword. He can’t be mad if the other paladins don’t wanna come play with him anymore, but he’s still relieved when Mylek tells him some of them will be stopping by that afternoon. Maybe they still like him after all.

  “Hey Keith, we figured it was better to come to you as a group instead of one on one, since it didn’t seem like that was working out,” Lance calls as he walks into the nursery, smiling brightly over at him. Hunk follows after a moment, grin a bit more nervous as he comes to stand next to Lance. Keith waves with one hand, squeezing Red softly as he crawls over to Lance. Maybe he’s here to play! Lance sits down on the floor and Hunk follows suit. Then something strange happens, Allura and Pidge and Shiro walk in too, all of them with the same worried looks on their faces. They never come all to visit him at once. Either it’s his birthday or he’s in trouble.

  “No need to talk, not gonna be big again,” Keith points out as he holds his crayon tighter to his chest, slowly getting why they’re all here. It’s not to play with him or to eat cake. It’s because they wanna make him drink that gross thing again so he’ll end up being bad Keith. He doesn’t wanna be bad Keith, he wants to stay little and be a good boy! Why do they want the other Keith back?

  “Keith, we know that you think you’re bad, whatever that means, but as your friends, we know that you are not. You are a good person, Keith,” Allura says as she kneels down next to him, her long white hair brushing against his shoulder. It’s in a soft braid today, and Keith can’t resist tugging on it for a moment. Allura gives him a strange look, frowning tightly as she pulls her hair away from his hand with a swift flick of her wrist.

  “No I’m not, that’s why Red got Lance and Black gotted Shiro back,” Keith cries because there’s no place for him there, not anymore. They don’t know, he hasn’t told them everything and even if he had, none of it changes the fact that he’s bad. He did bad things all the time.

  Lance shakes his head as he grabs Keith’s hands, which are shaking as he tries to form them into tiny fists. He gives Keith a warm smile, soft and sweet as he tugs him closer. Hunk grins too, leaning closer as he ruffles Keith’s hair. Pidge moves next to them too, her own smile a little more nervous as bends down. They all look so hopeful and for a second Keith wonders if maybe they founded another Lion? But then they should give it to Coran. He really wants one. “We can share Red -”

  “She don’t talk to me anymore,” Keith admits in a small voice as he hugs the tiny Red closer to his chest, eyes filling with tears as he squeezes her a little more closely. Next to him, Allura takes in a sharp intake of breath before looking away, and Lance’s smile grows a bit tighter. Hunk and Pidge both scoot back, Pidge glancing away from him as she frowns tightly like he’s been kicked. He gets how they all feel. It’s the same way he felt when Red and Black both stopped talking to him. Hurt and sad and not enough.

  “Oh,” Shiro murmurs in a voice that’s weaker than his voice normally is, eyebrows sloping down as he glances over at Keith. Keith lets the tears roll down his cheeks as he hears the hope come back in Shiro’s voice. “Maybe we just need to get you closer to her?”

  Keith nods softly, even though he knows it won’t help. Keith isn’t a paladin anymore. He hasn’t been in a long time.

  *****

  Keith finds himself crawling across the hangar floor, the other paladins walking around him in an almost protective circle, like they’re afraid he might hurt himself. The floor is pretty hard. Keith finally reaches Red and rolls himself up to wobbly feet, because Red wouldn’t want a paladin who couldn’t even stand by himself. She’s emotional, but not bad like Keith, and quick-thinking and, and – she’s gonna pick Lance over him. That’s why she doesn’t talk to him anymore. Keith was always the wrong choice. Still, he has to try, he has to at least tell Red that he loved her before she needed a better cub.

  “Red? Red?” Keith calls as he runs over to the lion, because maybe now that he’s home Red will talk to him again. Maybe Red will realize that Lance wants to share, and he can be the main paladin, he’s better with the bayard, but that Keith is okay too. Keith hugs her metal leg, face pressing against the metal. It’s cold. It was never cold before and there are no sounds, no reassuring purrs. Red just feels like a porcelain doll, empty and with no soul. No. No, no, no. Keith wants to come home.

  “Red! Red!” Keith cries as he presses his face more against her leg, tears sliding down his cheeks as he pounds his fists against her leg. His hands hurt and knows Kolivan will be mad at him, but Keith needs to talk to her. He never got to say goodbye when Black took him, and now he doesn’t too at all? It’s not fair! Red makes a strange sound, far away and distant, almost empty, and then it fades away into nothing. Keith can’t hear her anymore, but he guesses that was a goodbye. She’s Lance’s lion now.

  “Try the Black Lion?” Hunk mutters in a small voice as Shiro moves Keith’s hands away before he can hit the Red Lion’s leg again. He wasn’t going to anyway. Lance shoots Hunk a hard glare as next to him Pidge, who has tears falling down her face too, starts shaking her head. Keith made everyone feel sad again! That’s all he ever does. Hunk crosses his arms tightly, pressing his lips into a thin line as he stares over at them. “It was just a suggestion!”

  “Black?” Keith asks in a small voice as he crawls over to the bigger lion, because Black used to talk to him too, and if she does now, maybe everyone won’t be upset. But Black just makes the same strange whirring sound that Red made, the sound dying as Keith presses his tiny hands against Black’s leg. Black feels cold too and she was never as warm as Red, but she was warm. All the lions are cold now. Keith feels the tears coming faster now, because this is it, he is bad. the lions don’t want him anymore and neither will the team.

  “Keith,” Shiro says quietly as he sits on the ground next to him, one hand resting on Keith’s head as he kneels down on the ground next to him. After a moment he pulls Keith away from Black and into his arms, wrapping him up and whispering apologies Keith doesn’t understand. Shiro hasn’t done anything wrong.

  “I knewed I was bad,” Keith whispers against his shoulder, glancing around Shiro to find the hangar empty. He’s not surprised.

* * *

Shiro watches Keith hug himself, purple overalls slightly baggy as he tries to bury himself in his shirt. Shiro wonders if he’s trying to hide his tears, he always did when he was an adult. Shiro leans over and brushes his hand over Keith’s hair, but Keith pulls away and lets out a small sniffle, hugging his stuffed animal closer to himself. Shiro takes a deep breath, trying to calm the swirling emotions in his chest that make him want to scream. He’s the adult here and he needs to take care of Keith.

  “Keith, I wanted to talk to you about what happened earlier,” Shiro says as he sits next to him on the ship back to the Blade, glancing down at the boy with a soft smile. His heart feels like it’s trying to rip it’s way free from his chest, hands shaking as he stares over at Keith. Keith is hugging himself tightly, tears sliding down his face still as he wraps his hands around the stuffed yupper Allura found for him. He wouldn’t take his stuffed Red with him after the real one rejected him. Shiro can’t say he blames him.

  Keith stares over at him with eyes far too pained for a two-and-a-half-year-old. Keith looks older, harder, than he has in weeks. Keith hugs the yupper closer to his chest as he slides toward Shiro. Shiro wraps an arm around Keith’s shoulders, meeting the child’s gaze. Because that’s what Keith is now, isn’t it? He’s just a little kid with a (barely) adult’s memories. No wonder the lions wouldn’t take him. They’re saving him from the war. Keith seems to understand, squeezing Shiro’s hand as he gives him a watery smile. “Being big won’t fix it.”

  “I know,” Shiro tells him in a tight voice, gaze growing far away. It might fix things with Black or maybe Red – though she’s grown attached to Lance – enough for Keith to pilot them again. But it won’t fix how much Keith hates himself, how Keith pushes them all away, how … lost he is. And if Keith wasn’t willing to grow up before, he won’t be now. But maybe. “Red and Black rejecting you, it doesn’t mean you aren’t a good person, Keith. It just means that you weren’t meant to be a paladin at this time. Neither are Coran and Matt, and I think you know both of them are good people.”

  “Weren’t rejected either,” Keith mutters, tripping over the word rejected, as though he’s not sure how to pronounce it. Shiro swallows, throat growing tight as the words hit him. Keith isn’t going to think he was a good person. This isn’t going to happen. All of their hard work, all of the time he’s spent with Keith, everything … all of it was for nothing. Shiro can feel a taste of ash in his mouth, gaze far away as he remembers a 15-year-old with too much talent and fire in his eyes, and then he’s 17 smiling awkwardly in his cadet uniform, and then 18 in the Black Lion. And now he’s gone.

  This Keith will never grow up to be that boy. That’s the least Shiro can do for him.

  “No, they weren’t, but there was a time where I was, sometimes these things go in cycles,” Shiro reminds him gently, ruffling his hair as Keith nods and leans more against him, small yawns sliding from his throat here and there. He must be tired, Shiro thinks they missed his nap time somewhere in the middle there. He comes to a decision, one he knows the team won’t be happy with, as Keith cuddles against him more. “Maybe, when you’re older again, you can pilot one of the lions.”

  “Yeah, but what happen now?” Keith asks quietly, gazing up at him softly, voice a little less watery than before. For a second, his eyes are as piercing and tight as when he was an adult and Shiro feels his heart twist in his chest. Then he presses his yupper doll against his mouth, sucking on it softly as his gaze growing sleepy again like that flash of his Keith never was. He’s gone.

  “Right now, you’ll stay at the Blade nursery because that’s safe. And when the war is over, we’ll go home,” Shiro promises him as he ruffles his hair. He doesn’t miss the small smile on his face at the word home, the way Keith falls asleep giggling. He’s making the right choice. Keith deserves a family who loves him.

*****

  Shiro keeps his promise and finds himself back on earth nine months later, Keith next to him holding his stuffed yupper as he stares over at their small house. The Garrison had to pay out to all of them, enough for them to all go back to school and find places to live and cover their expenses for a better part of a decade. More for the Holts and him, even.

  Shiro still chooses a small two-bedroom house, with a big yard and bay windows. He wants Keith to have as normal of a childhood as possible. The childhood Keith deserves. Keith tugs on his arm, and Shiro smiles down at him before pulling him into his arms, carrying him through the front door and right up the stairs, not even stopping to show Keith the first floor. He wants him to see his bedroom first.

  “Is this gonna be my room?” Keith asks as he toddles around the room on unsteady feet, hands pressing against each wall excitedly. He doesn’t crawl as much now that he’s three, and Shiro thinks that in a few months he’ll have stopped altogether. Soon he’ll probably be as fast as he was … well, as the other Keith was. Keith stares over at the bright yellows walls, brushing a hand against one as he bites his lip. Shiro raises an eyebrow as he kneels down next to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. “Can we put hippos on the wall?”

  “Of course, buddy,” Shiro answers him with a warm smile as he pats him on the shoulder. Keith always did love them. he grins softly, glancing down at the stuffed one being held tightly in Keith’s hands, gotten by Lance at the airport on their way out. Then Shiro’s smile grows a bit tighter even as his voice takes on a note of hope that he knows is dangerous. “Maybe some lions too.”

  “No, don’t like lions,” Keith whispers as he shakes his head, eyes widening as he takes a step back from the wall. Right. Keith doesn’t … he doesn’t remember being a paladin anymore, or going to the Garrison, or anything else. As far as he knows, he’s a half Galra orphan that Shiro adopted during the war. That’s all he’ll ever know. It’s what Shiro decided is for the best – telling Keith the rest of his story, their story, isn’t fair now that he’s going to grow up all over again. If Keith has to have a second chance, then it should at least be on a clean slate. “Maybe grass and flowers on the hippo’s feet?”

  “Whatever you want,” Shiro assures him as he ruffles his hair, rebuttoning the right button on Keith’s yellow overalls to hide the tears building in the back of his eyes. That happens sometimes, when he looks at Keith or remembers his life before the Galra, or well, just a lot.

  Keith looks over at him curiously, tugging on his hand a bit as he points over at his toy box, shaped like a hippo too. Hunk built it for him at the lab, a strangely soft metal that rounded easily without losing its structure. Keith will never hurt himself on it. Keith remembers that at least, smiling as he pats it, only to frown tightly a second later as he stares back over at Shiro. “Daddy, are Uncle Lance and Hunk and Aunt Pidge and Allura gonna live here too?”

  “No, but they’re going to live close by, and we’ll see them a lot. We’re a family, after all,” Shiro explains as he lifts Keith up to see his bed, a bright red racecar design that makes Keith giggle in delight as he claps his hands together. Shiro isn’t strictly telling the truth – they’re all living in different cities, if all within the same few states – but between the technology they took from the castle for instant transportation, the lions, and their future work with the coalition, Shiro knows he and the paladins will never lose their bond. Not fully. He just hopes Keith stays a part of that.

* * *

  Lance arrives at the Shirogane’s front door, one hand pressing against the door as he smiles softly over at it. It’s not the first time he’s spent a week with Keith while Shiro was taking a turn on coalition work. All of them go up to space to help Allura at least for one weekend a month, sometimes more. The rest of them just don’t have a shy five-year-old who’s afraid of Lions living with them. Shiro told him once that Black tries to talk to Keith again now, but Keith won’t answer. Lance guesses some things really don’t change.

  “Hey Keith, Lancey Lance is in the house and ready to play,” Lance calls as he walks into the house with a bright grin, a duffle bag slinked over his shoulder. Keith smiles softly as he walks over, the black and white puppy on his sweater smiling over at Lance with almost the same expression. He’s a quiet kid, shyly wrapping his arms around Lance’s waist like he doesn’t talk to him twice a week and see him at least once a month. When he pulls back, his smile is a little brighter. “What are we doing today, buddy?”

  “Dad left us new coloring pencils and a soccer ball,” Keith tells him in a soft voice, holding up his ball to show him. Keith loves soccer and coloring, new pictures on the wall and new band aids on his knees every time Lance comes over. Then Keith gives Lance a tight look, biting his lip before he lets his gaze drop the ground. His voice is low when he speaks, as though he doesn’t want Lance to hear him. “Or we could go the park if you wanted to.”

  “Sounds like you maybe wanna do that,” Lance throws out teasingly, wiggling his eyebrows when Keith looks up at him with a hopeful smile. Looks like they were going to the park. If Lance didn’t see Shiro spoiling Keith all the time, he’d swear the man didn’t take him anywhere. Lance slides his duffle bag onto the floor near the front hall closet. He could unpack later, it’s already 4 PM and there are only a few hours of sunlight left for Keith and him to play in the park. “Well, okay, then.”

  “Thank you, Uncle Lance,” Keith says softly as he starts walking toward the door, hands already pulling it open as he finishes Lance’s name. Lance remembers that Keith had the chicken pox recently – Kolivan had sent Shiro a Galra soup that looked truly terrifying – so it’s probably been a few days since he’s gotten to play outside. That had to be terrible for a kid like Keith, who spends half his days running around the yard, climbing on trees and drawing in the warm sun.

  “Any time, Keith,” Lance tells him as he pushes the door open for Keith, because it is kind of heavy. Then Lance comes to a full stop as he sees something in his backpack, that looks like a thick bundle of something. It could be colored pencils. But it could just as easily be the blade of Marmora, and Lance would really like not to be arrested today. “Hey, remember, don’t take the knife with you!”

  “I don’t take daddy’s friend's knife with me places, daddy says it’s special, so I keep it in the safe,” Keith murmurs in a small voice, looking over at Lance with a small giggle, like Lance is being silly. Lance pokes the bundle with his hand, and sure enough he can feel the line of the colored pencils through the thin material of Keith’s backpack. Keith takes another few steps forward, voice growing very serious as he grips Lance’s hand as they reach the end of the street. “Besides, knives are scary.”

  “Yeah, they sure can be,” Lance agrees with a small chortle, though his gaze grows wistful as he leads Keith across the street. Sometimes, it’s hard to see the man he knew in the boy in front of him. Lance guesses that’s a good thing, but he selfishly hopes Keith ends up a bit like his Keith.

* * *

  “Aunt Pidge and Aunt Allura!” Keith calls as he runs down the stairs, waving excitedly as he stops at the bottom of the staircase. Pidge shoots him a smile she knows is too tight, mentally cursing herself because she should be past this. It’s been six years. No, six and a half. Her Keith isn’t coming back and this child doesn’t deserve to deal with her mixed emotions every time she looks at him. Pidge likes this Keith, likes how curious he is, how sweet. And he still has all of Keith’s passion. He’s just … not the same. Shyer and more cautious, though maybe their Keith was that way at 8 too. It’s not like any of them had known him then. The thought makes her smile loosen just as Keith gets to her side. “You came for my birthday? But it’s not for a week.”

  “We know, but my work with the coalition means that I sadly will not be able to come on the day of your actual birth,” Allura explains with a warm smile as she pulls Keith into an awkward hug, Keith wrapping his arms around her. He looks up at her with a small smile as he steps back. Up close, Pidge can she a bit of green paint on his cheek that’s now also on the front of Allura’s white dress. If she’s bothered (which Pidge knows she is), she doesn’t show it. “Are you having a celebration?”

  Keith smiles brightly as he waves his hands back and forth in the air, giggling softly as he finally brings his hands up to his face. “We’re going to the zoo and dad said I can take Monet and Roberto and Lauren and Dan-”

  “Wow, _you_ have that many friends?” Pidge asks before she can stop herself, his emphasized and her voice tinged with surprise as she tilts her head to the side, brown hair brushing against her cheek. Keith’s eyes widen as he takes a step back, mouth open slightly, and Pidge doesn’t need to look at Allura to know she’s glaring at her. She probably deserves that.

  “Pidge! Of course he does, our Keith is a very friendly little boy once he gets past his shyness,” Allura says with a proud grin as she leans over and ruffles his hair, smile tight as she glances at Pidge out of the corner of her eye pointedly. Right, she needs to fix this. She is 21 with three doctorates and her own lab in space. She should be able to make one second grader stop looking like she just stole his favorite stuffed hippo.

  “Yeah, yeah, he is,” Pidge agrees with a warm smile as she takes a step towards Keith, patting him on the shoulder as she looks down at him over her glasses. “

  Keith frowns as he gives Pidge a quick shake of the head, walking away from her and to the fridge. Apparently Keith could tell the smile didn’t reach her eyes either. He was way too smart for his age. Pidge guesses there’s a reason for that, though. Keith carefully pours two glasses of orange juice, gaze focused as he seems to be trying to get out of his own head by making sure the juice is perfectly lined up. When he’s satisfied and his frown just a bit smaller, Keith walks back over to them, holding up both glasses of juice, Allura taking one glass with a slight nod and stiff smile. Keith raises an eyebrow – she thinks he got that from Lance – as he hands her the other glass. “Aunt Pidge?”

  “It’s nothing, Keith, here why don’t you tell me what you’ve learned about in school,” Pidge says instead, smile growing a bit more real as Keith nods enthusiastically and turns on one heel. Pidge lets out a small sigh of relief when Keith is out of hearing range, sending Allura a sheepish smile as the other woman shakes her head, even as laughter slips between her lips.

  “We’re learning about space! We just looked at all these photos of Pluto and the work they’re doing there to save water,” Keith calls as he scurries across the room and then lays out a few photos and pieces of paper on his kitchen table. There is a drawing of Pluto’s irrigation systems, all carefully mapped out with names next to them. it’s the same site the Garrison sent Matt and her dad and Shiro to all those years ago, the same system that put all of this into motion. The reason the Keith in front of her exists at all. And for him, it’s nothing but a school project.  

  “You know you used to live in space, right?” Pidge asks instead of any of that, playfully poking Keith in the arm. Keith rolls his eyes and sticks out his tongue, shaggy black hair falling across his face as he does. Pidge leans in even closer, poking him on one slightly chubby cheek this time. “did you know that Allura here is an alien and you’re half alien?”

  “Yeah, yeah, but I was a baby, so I don’t remember and Allura’s always been an alien,” Keith reminds her as he playfully pokes her back on the cheek, Pidge pulling away before he can poke her other one too. Keith rolls his eyes and turns his gaze back to his photos, moving them into a different order, already excited to show Pidge something else. Good, that gave her a minute to collect herself.

  “Right,” Pidge agrees with a slow nod as her gaze meets Allura’s, who gives her a sad smile in return, though it’s back to being warm and open by the time Keith holds up his math homework. It’s funny, that they miss their Keith so much still. They’ve known this one for so much longer.

* * *

  “You know, you can tell dad that I’m old enough to hang out alone if you don’t wanna come here some weekends,” Keith tells him one weekend when Lance is babysitting, handing him as a plate of snacks: apple slices and almonds and a few handfuls of popcorn on the plate, celery in the corner. Lance reminds himself to bring Keith some chips the next time he’s here, maybe Doritos, because really, that’s what Shiro deserves for having mostly white furniture. Keith’s smile is nervous as he sits down on the couch next to Lance, and Lance can’t help letting out a loud laugh. He and Hunk really did rub off on Keith.

  “yeah, you’re 11, buddy, but nice try,” Lance teases him softly as he bumps his shoulder, surprised when Keith quickly glances away from him. Lance watches as Keith lets out a slight sigh, biting his lip as his gaze has a mixture of anxiety and relief filling it. Okay, so this isn’t an 11-year-old who thinks he’s too cool for a babysitter. That was Keith trying to let him off the hook. But why would Keith think he – or any of them – don’t want to spend time with him? Was he … remembering? “What’s with the long face?”

  “Why doesn’t Aunt Pidge like me?” Keith asks in a low voice, kicking the carpet with his red and white striped sock. Okay, that made a lot more sense, but Lance still shakes his head and opens his mouth to correct Keith, only for Keith to hold up one hand palm up. “You don’t have to pretend that she does, she lives the closest and she visits the least, even less than Aunt Allura, and she lives in space.”

  “Yeah, okay, you’re good at facts, you always were,” Lance scoffs as he shakes his head a little, looking away when Keith scrunches his eyebrows in confusion. Lance turns back to him after a second, smiling softly as he pats his shoulder. “I mean, look Aunt Pidge likes you a lot, she just has her own way of processing things, you know? But trust me when I say it isn’t about you, buddy.”

  “Okay,” Keith mutters in a low voice and Lance has no idea if he believes him or not. Pidge loves this Keith, but Lance knows that it took her time to get over their Keith not existing anymore and well, now she’s afraid she missed out on her chance to be friends of a kind with this Keith. Lance can’t explain any of that to the child in front of them though.

  “Okay is right, so how about we go to the park and play some soccer?” Lance asks as he turns around with a bright smile, letting out a low exhale when Keith returns it after a moment, gaze growing brighter as he slides to his feet. Someday, Lance thinks, as he watches Keith walk by a group photo Lance made them take a few weeks after they first formed Voltron, Keith is going to start putting the pieces together.

  Lance has no idea what they’ll do then.

* * *

Keith is thirteen when he first notices he looks a lot like the uncle he never met, the one he’s named for. He knew, sort of – they’re both half Korean and half alien, but suddenly he can see the lines of his own face, the same big eyes and small, round nose. Keith wants to know why, but he has no idea how to ask his dad about it. He never talks about uncle Keith. keeps cutting his carrots for the salad he and dad are making for dinner, sneaking glances at his dad out of the corner of his eye. His beard is greying now, the same thick white hair as the streak in hair hair, though it’s more spread out. “Dad, what was the Keith I’m named after like?”

  “Why are you asking me that now?” Shiro asks as he hands Keith a tomato to slice, voice growing a bit strangled as he starts mixing the salad again. It’s the thirds time he’s done that today, and Keith wonders at what point he should just tell him that it’s mixed.

  “I just, I mean, you and everyone else were really close to him, right? Close enough to name me after him,” Keith points out with a shrug, staring down at his tomato as he dices it into smaller and smaller pieces. Keith guesses something really bad must have happened to the original Keith, for his dad to clam up this much and this fast. Keith has asked about way worse things with the war – how many people died and how during his month-long edge lord phase in sixth grade – but this is the first time his dad didn’t give him a clear answer. “I figured it was time I learned about him, especially if he changed your life.”

  “He really did, in more ways than either of us could’ve ever expected,” Shiro says softly as he meets Keith’s gaze, something lonely and wistful coming into his gaze. Keith guesses he really must look like the original Keith and suddenly he wishes he didn’t. He wants to be his own person, not the ghost of someone he never even got the chance to meet.

  “Do you miss him?” Keith asks in a small voice as he hands his dad the tomatoes, not quite able to meet his gaze as he slides one hand onto the cool steel counter. Keith frowns tightly. He’s never liked the feeling cold metal, sending shivers down his back that felt like daggers every time. Keith thinks it has something to do with what happened to him in space, as a baby, because his dad looked so sad the one time he mentioned it that he never got the courage up to ask again. Kind of like how he looks right now.

  “Every day, but having you here helps so much, Keith,” Shiro answers in a soft voice as he smiles at him, gaze changing into the familiar fond, warm look that makes Keith smile too. He hopes his dad tells him about uncle Keith and why they look so much alike someday, but for right now Keith’s just glad he makes things better for his dad and not worse.

*****

  Keith sits next to Hunk, glancing over at the other man as he lays out the picnic he made for them. Keith doesn’t know why his dad insists on him still having a babysitter on weekends when he’s almost 16, but Keith can’t say he exactly minds either. He loves all of his uncles and aunts, and he knows in a few years he’ll be at college and won’t see them as much. He even sees them a little less now, Uncle Hunk having grown a beard since the last time Keith saw him. There are little specks of grey in the corner which surprises him, because until recently everyone still looked kind of like the photo of Voltron dad keeps in his study.

  Now no one really does, except him. Keith looks just like the Keith in the photo, give or take a few inches and some muscle. It’s his face staring back at him, except at the same time it isn’t, the boy across from him determined and hardened in a way Keith doesn’t understand. Sometimes he feels like it’s something he’s missing something he lost, but he pushes the thought away. He isn’t that man just because he looks like him.

  “I know,” Keith says as they sit on the grass on the hill a few blocks from his house, biting his lip as he looks over at Hunk. He doesn’t know why he chose Uncle Hunk, other than that he’s the most understanding member of Keith’s makeshift family. He’s also the most honest and Keith really needs a real answer to the kind of fucked up question he’s about to ask. “That the other Keith was my dad or I’m his clone or whatever.”

  “What? What are you talking about, Keith?” Hunk asks in a tight voice, eyes wide as he throws his arms out, like he’s trying to catch an invisible soccer ball before it can reach the goal. Keith guesses the goal here is making sure Keith doesn’t find out he was some kind of experiment or that the other Keith didn’t want a kid, but honestly, neither of those would bother Keith. He’s thought about more times than he can count, so nothing Hunk could say would shock him.

  Or at least he hopes that’s true.

  “I’m not dumb, Uncle Hunk, I can see that the picture looks like me with a bad haircut,” Keith explains with a wry grin as he remembers the strange half mullet the other Keith had in the photo, his own shaggy but shorter hair falling across his face, bangs brushing his ears as he swallows a bit. He’s not here to find out the exact truth. It doesn’t matter. Keith needs Hunk – and everyone else – to know how grateful he is. “Either way, it’s fine. Thank you all, for taking care of me when he couldn’t or after the lab made me or whatever. I’m … I’m really grateful.”

  “Of course, Keith, even if I could go back and time and do things differently,” Hunk starts and then stops himself, gaze shooting toward the wall as he frowns tightly. Keith watches him, sees his eyes look out at a past he can’t know, except in that it’s what brought him here. That’s worth something. Or at least Keith hopes that it is. “Well, from the moment we knew what the deal was, none of us would have changed a thing.”

  “Good,” Keith murmurs as he bites his lip a little, crossing his arms tightly against his chest as he stares down at a few blades of grass. The other Keith feels like a specter sometimes, haunting Keith for being a normal boy on earth, one who goes to high school and plays soccer and wants to learn how treat severe injuries somedays, instead of a soldier willing to sacrifice everything. “Do you think he’d be proud of me? I mean, he was a soldier and I’m going to college for art and medicine which doesn’t seem nearly as important -”

  “Yeah, Keith, he’d be really proud of what a good person you turned out to be,” Hunk says firmly, meeting his gaze with a warm smile as he suddenly pulls him into a tight hug. Keith doesn’t fully understand what’s happening, so he just hugs uncle Hunk back, burying his face in his chest for a few minutes and letting relief wash over him at Hunk’s words.

  “Thank you, uncle Hunk,” Keith whispers as he gives him a quick squeeze, before letting go so they can go back to their sandwiches and drinks. Keith feels like a weight has been lifted off of his shoulders. From the little he does know from Kolivan and Aunt Pidge, the first Keith was brave and devoted to his friends and the mission, willing to do anything for both.  Keith is more selfish than that, isn’t ready to leave his dad and aunts and uncles and friends behind. He knows he’s a pretty good kid, but the original Keith must have been a really good person.


	6. Author Question/Announcement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILERS FOR SEASON 5!!

Hey everyone, as you might guess from the title of this chapter, it is not more content but instead a question from your author!

As you might guess from this fic, I enjoy exploring family dynamics and/or potential family dynamics, and Keith now has a canon, living, probably not evil mom. And now I want to write about Keith and Krolia spending time together. Would anyone be interested (or have prompts for) Keith and Krolia fics? Angst, fluff, and hurt/comfort are all welcome, and I'm open to both canon set fics, Canon divergent stuff, playing with Galra time versus human time, Krolia raised Keith (in space or on earth) AU's and etc.

  Shipping probably would be secondary, but I am open to including shipping in prompts where Keith is his canon age emotionally and physically. However, I do not personally write Sheith, Keitor, or Kidge and won't accept prompts with those ships. I also will not accept any prompts with underage, dubious consent or non-con, abuse or physical violence outside of canon typical fights, or mind control. Anything else I'm open to, though!


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